1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.
2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.
3. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "Send" key.
4. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.
5. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "Bad and an invalid." The tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.
6. A confused caller to IBM was having trouble printing documents. He told the technician that the computer had said it "couldn't find printer." The user had also tried turning the computer screen to face the printer, but that his computer still couldn't "see" the printer.
7. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.
8. Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in and nothing happened. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked, "What power switch?"
9. Another IBM customer had trouble installing software and rang for support. "I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in the second disk, and had some problems with the disk. When it said to put in the third disk, I couldn't even fit it in..." The user hadn't realized that "Insert Disk 2" implied to remove Disk 1 first.
10. A story from a Novell NetWire SysOp:
CALLER: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"
TECH: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
CALLER: "The cup holder on my PC is broken, and I am within my warranty
period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"
TECH: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
CALLER: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."
TECH: "Please excuse me. If I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am. Did
you receive this as part of a promotional at a trade show? How did you get
this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"
CALLER : "It came with my computer. I don't know anything about a
promotional. It just has '4X' on it." At this point, the Tech Rep had to
mute the caller because he couldn't stand it. He was laughing too hard.
The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup
holder and snapped it off the drive.
11. A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
The tech asked her if she was "running it under windows." The woman
responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point.
The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window and his
printer is working fine."
12. And last but not least:
TECH SUPPORT: "O.K. Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the
same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now
type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."
CUSTOMER: "I don't have a P."
TECH SUPPORT: "On your keyboard, Bob."
CUSTOMER: "What do you mean?"
TECH SUPPORT: "P - on your keyboard, Bob."
CUSTOMER: "I'm not going to do that!"
« I'm done now!
I'm crying here.
Sure making fun of my peeps.
I believe a couple of those. But the others have to be urban legend.
Funny list. I've been looking for the "any key" myself.
And I just loved the cup holder comment
Very funny, but after my 4-hour ordeal with Dell customer support on Tuesday I was afraid I would see myself somewhere in these articles!
Having done tech support myself for several years, I must say those are so old they're creaky :)
But I keep expecting what happened to me to turn up in one of these lists - I worked tech support for a Shareware software company for a little while, and they way to install the program was to type "INSTALL" at the A:\ DOS prompt after inserting the 5-1/4 or 3-1/2" disk (does that tell you how long ago? Just 9 years!)
Anyway, this elderly gentlemen called up and couldn't get it to install. I patiently explained to him several times to just go to the A:\ prompt and type the word INSTALL and hit Return. He kept saying it wouldn't work, it wouldn't work - finally he admitted that the "N" key on his keyboard wouldn't work, and he assumed it was ok to use the "M" key instead? I-M-S-T-A-L-L.
I had to hold my hand over the phone so he wouldn't hear me dying laughing ;)
What? I don't get it. Okay, well even I am not quite THAT lost....but pretty close.
To think I had a cup holder all that time! Still looking for the black warm ups!
I deal with people like that all day. I work in tech support for a Fortune 500 company. I love this kind of stuff, though; back in 1997 I received pretty much this same email. (By the way, Compaq DID rewrite all of it's documentation and on-screen help after Y2K to read "Press the Enter key")
Also, the absolute BEST cup holders and coasters are the AOL CDs you receive in the mail. I have a set of 8 of them from version 5.