Last night, I decided that the kids were going to go to bed at a decent hour. The edict of, "In bed by 8:30" was read from on high. Things went well, even the birthday boy took his shower promptly. That is things went well until they got upstairs with Busy Dad who decided we should all watch the dog show. So we did, and it was a festive family time that we all enjoyed.
At the same time, though, I was very frustrated. I know the kids need to get adequate sleep, but the major reason I wanted them in bed is to take the night back.
We have no downtime in the evenings. Now, I know very few people have actual "downtime", but what I mean is adult time to take care of the activities of daily living. It just takes forever to get the kids in bed and settled, much less asleep. It's nothing really overt that they are doing, it's just that the whole process just takes too much time. I think sometimes, especially Busy Girl, they don't like the fact that there should be adult time without them. But, by the time everyone is settled, I am way too tired to do anything fun like fold the laundry, unload the dishwasher or clean up the mess in the den.
I envy people who can tuck in their kids and say, "nite nite" and the kids are off to dreamland and the parents can straighten the house, watch a movie or whatever. Yes, this actually happens, I've seen it. I don't know how many people actually have it, but some do.
I got really frustrated about it last night, and I took it out on Busy Girl. I had gotten a Mello Yello laced Busy Birthday Boy to bed, gotten a congested Busy Baby to bed and by the time I got to Busy Girl she wanted me to sing her a song and I reacted in such a way that she could tell I didn't want to do it and then I felt really shitty. Yes, Busy Dad was there. He started out with Busy Girl and then had to leave her to get Busy Baby back down when he woke up. We don't have to stay with them in order for them to fall asleep, but we like to stay a little while to read or just talk or whatever.
I find myself angry about having no time in the evenings and I don't want to feel that way. I think Busy Girl was really looking for some one on one time, and I just really wasn't up for it as she had a difficult time with Busy Boy's birthday not being all about her and I had had enough of that for one day!
I'm not looking for advice how to get them settled, or a recommendation to just shut the door or start earlier or whatever. I just go through phases where I get worked up about this and then it passes. I know the time that they need us at night will pass quickly and there will be a day when I would give anything to have it back.
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I'm looking forward to August 11th so I have a reason to justify the cruel practice of going to bed between 8:30 and 9 when it is still light out.
*winces* I know that feeling all too well. We just need to figure out a way to become perfect all the time ;) (or at least around bed time lol)
Oh I hear ya, sistah! With my husband being a afternoon/night shift worker, we tend to operate a little bit later than most anyhow. But lately, the Mister has been letting Jax stay up way too late for Daddy-time. Add to that two nieces in our charge for the summer who like to stay up until 2 or 3 am then sleep all day? I'm ready to pull my hair out, one strand at a time!
I honestly think this gets more difficult the more children you add...seriously...We hardly ever had a problem with our son, but then our daughter was born and we started having problems with our son...We've JUST gotten to the point where our daugter goes to bed around 9ish (she's 3 mo.) and our son goes to bed between 8:30 and nine. But we have our nites that neither of them want to go to sleep. I DEFINITELY feel your pain...DEFINITELY...
This is a nightly thing at our house too.I love it when they are in bed,the house is quiet and I can do what I want.
It seems I've made an entry a time or two on my blog along similar lines. Fortunately, the kids easily forgive, especially if we sit down and talk to them about it.
Sorry. I'm one of those weirdos that have easy going to bed kids. We've had the same routine since they were infants and I don't deviate. I'M A MEAN MEAN MAMA! Actually I do it for my sanity sake. If not I would be running around with my hair on fire!!
For their own benefit I stick to the same thing over and over and over and over again. I need a quiet house after a long day.
Kim and I gave up a long time ago on evening downtime. Our kids have never been able to go to sleep at the time we want them to, no matter how much we try to "persuade" them. It has just nevet worked.
I can totally relate Busy Mom. Especially now that she's 16! I have NO time in the evening anymore because I'm up until 2 just fretting about whether she'll be home safe and sound. Well, not THIS month because she's in Colorado, but you know what I mean. So RECLAIM your evening now while they are young enough! DO IT! Because soon enough you will have no control and they will be up until all hours and and and *waahhhhhhh!!!*
sorry.
Oh yeah, the REAL reason I stopped by was to thank you for getting a Billy Idol White Wedding earworm jammed into my head earlier today when I was here reading. I'll have you know it was there for HOURS. Until I went off driving on my errands and could listen to my best of Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers CD and fill my head with some really GREAT music!
I was just complaining about exactly the same thing! Forget the laundry and tidying the house...Mommy and Daddy need some time alone too! I find myself going to bed (alone) before the kids many nights these days.
Ditto - but it's a lost cause during the summer in our household. And it's not like I'm throwing in the towel, I can set the time, but at this point.. it's for a few months, why bother. :)
My three-yr-old finally fell asleep at 1am.
HA!!! Yeah - like I would have any advice to offer anyway. Me and my ONE CHILD. Blah. I dont see how you do it and maintain your sanity with just these few and far between bad moments.
Oh. and My child would end up crying himself to sleep if I sang to him at night. Just sayin'
Hang in there girl. I am hoping today is perfect for you!
When you find the solution, tell me. We battle the same thing nightly, Diva balks every night. Last night it was monsters.... go figure :)
Ah the 'ole no time in the evening dilema. There are just not enough hours in the day huh.
I used to vacuum the house and stuff and 1 or 2 o'clock in the morning. You know what, I started letting that crap slide. Yes there are times I am embarrased for someone to knock on the door because I go Oh Crap lets pick this place up, but most times I go come on in. People who come see me know we are busy busy people. And I try and not let things get so out of control that I look like I maintain a pig-sty.
Just wanted to pop in and say, It CAN be done. We always have down time without the kids for at least two hours or more. It is just part of the routine that we have always had. Try to stick with a pattern and it will all fall into place I am sure! I am not saying we don't have interruptions here and there...but we get to watch movies, swim alone, etc...without the kids. Hang in there and make it happen!! Good luck!
I know exactly what you mean, my kids are kind of high need at bedtime and sometimes I feel resentful (followed by guilt, of course) because I want a little kid-free time before I go to bed. Then I remember it will not last long, and I will wish someday they needed me to read a story, or sing a song, or listen to their dreams. It's hard sometimes.
Sorry last night was not what you wanted but your right soon you'll be wishing it was happening still when they are gone. I have the same thing at my house. Your feelings are justified but we just somehow keep picking ourselves up, dusting off, and keep on going. ((hugs)), it'll happen soon and things won't have seemed so bad, at least that's what they tell me and i'm waiting for it! hang in there from one mom of 3 to another!
I feel exactly the same way dealing w/my son - and i have the exact same moment where you get frustrated in front of the kids...it sucks. Hubby and I are currently working towards cutting down the time it takes at night to get him off to dreamland too...
I wanna know where that happens? We put the kids to bed and they NEVER go to sleep. I feel the same way as you, that we need a little down time. It's light here in the summer until 11pm. The only good thing is that, in the winter it is dark at 4pm!
wait! there are people out there who can just tuck there kids in, say goodnight and then unwind or do grown-up things around the house??
hahahahahahahha
it sure isn't here. the last week or two, with me being sick, i have just given up and they have come in to snug with me. i am sure i will pay for that later. but right now, anything for a little peace and quiet!
hee hee, yes, what everyone else said.
Our kids are amazingly resiliant at bedtime, the kiddo that was falling asleep in his Mac n Cheeze is still going strong at 11:15 PM.
I agree, it will be over soon, but I'm hoping it ends while I can still get by without a Viagra prescription.
Oh, and Billy Idol? Have you ever heard his Christmas Album?
"It's a nice day for a.. white Christmas!" (scream)
or
"In the midnite hour, he cries Ho, Ho Ho. With a rebel yell, he cries Ho Ho Ho..."
You're welcome.
No advice or recommendations here only sympathy. I feel exactly the same way on occasion when it's 10pm, the kids are just FINALLY down and the kitchen is trashed and there's a line of toys throughout the house and all I want to do is go to bed and read or watch a movie.