I'm not a mom yet, but I do remember the day when my best friend told me she lost her virginity...and we were 13!!!

But then there was me, who had tons of boyfriends, yet was scared to do "the deed" until I was 19...when I felt more ready.

I'm sure you're a fabulous mother. That's all you need to worry about :)

I'm taping it & I'm watching it Friday night. I know I'm going to freak out when I hear it all. I cringed at the commercials for it!

Hmmm... very thought-provoking. Glad we homeschool. :)

Nope - deliberately avoided it. Typical February sweeps programming, IMHO.

im pissed off cause i missed Law & Order because of it. They need to keep that crap on cable so i dont have to watch it.

With ten years to go until my child becomes a teen, I quiver with dread about how much worse it will be by 2015. By then the teenagers will be going to the mall stark naked, having group sex in the school cafeteria, and drugs will be mandatory for anyone over the age of ten. AIEEEEE!!!!

I know I can't bury my head in the sand and pretend there aren't issues I am facing with an emerging teen, but I am not going to dwell on it. There's a lot of *issues* that could potentially pop up. I try to educated my children and instill a good sense of morals. Hoping I've done enough! *crossing my fingers*

*covers ears* lalalalala I can't hear you! My son is going to be 13 next year. THIRTEEN. I'm thinking military school for him and an all girl's school for my daughter. Eh? I am not ready to be a parent of a teenager.

The best we can do is keep up with our children and talk to them ALOT!!! Let them know they can come to you about anything, AND MEAN IT!

My daughter informed me,last week, that she and her friends were talking about sex and the question arose "Would you tell your mom if you were thinking about having sex" ..and she said Yes, she would. That made me smile, ..and cringe!!

My oldest is only six and I already dread dealing with this. We're still on the "Where was I before I was born?" issue.

I am hoping for vastly improved Chastity Belt Technology (CBT) by then. They can make cell phones better, why not belts?

My wife wisely pointed out, though, that it won't cover my daughter's mouth.

Back to the drawing board!

As the mother of a 19 year old girl, I can tell you that open communication is EVERYTHING. We talked openly about sex, answered every question honestly, ASKED her questions about what kids were starting to do, etc. When she was 17 and clearly in a relationship where sex was, IMO, inevitable, I did the pre-emptive strike and just came out and asked her. They hadn't done it yet, but it was looming. I told her that my PRIMARY concern was her safety and that she not get pregnant, so I took her to the ob/gyn and she went on the pill.

I thought it was pretty good that she was 17 and in a relationship, as opposed to me who grew up with strict and controlling parents and began screwing neighbors' husbands at 14.

Kids who have something to prove or rebel against are, again IMO, at the greatest risk for too-early and too-random sex.

Take a deed, cleaning breath. Iiiinnnn, and ouuuutttt. Okay? Feel better?

First of all, you seem to have a really good relationship with your kids. That's good. Keep it up. Most of the people I knew in high school who screwed around a lot had parents who didn't care about them and ignored them, not those of us who had parents that were actually interested in our lives.

Secondly, try not to be too threatening on the subject of sex. I didn't tell my mom when I had sex (more on that later) because I was scared to death that she would be mad at me. You don't want that to happen to you. Also, don't tie the no-sex thing to religion, because as soon as el kiddo begins questioning the validity of the religion (which is inevitable), you don't want all of their reasons to not have sex going out the window at that moment. There are better, more practical reasons: pregnancy, STD's, emotional entanglements, maturity, etc. that don't require religion to be effective.

Another good idea is to get the Busy Kids to a doctor that specializes in adolescent medicine when they're old enough. They're wonderful at dealing with parent-teen relationships and prying sexual information out of teens (they're not allowed to tell you about what they learn, but at least they can dispense birth control).

As for me, I'm twenty. I started having sex when I was eighteen (and a half) with my boyfriend. We're still together two years later. We've always been obsessive about using birth control, and everything is going well. So, despite my mother's initial freak out when she learned of it, it's not the end of the world.

Good luck to you.

I avoided it, somewhat deliberately. I'm not naive when it comes to teen sex, and I've been trying really hard to keep the kiddo's education current with their age, development & that of their peers. That said, it scares the crap out of me...and I really don't need to be scared more.

I don't see what everyone's issue is. I solved the problem with window bars, a dead bolt, and a roll of duct tape.
I'll let her out of her room when she's 30.

NO. . . I haven't even heard about it. Please stop, you're all scaring me. My daughter just turned twelve and we have tried to be honest and open about stuff, but you ever get the feeling they're only half listening to you? That their friends at school are given much more information credit than a parent? well that was the feeling I was getting until yesterday, when my little princess said: But Dad, all teenagers think they know everything until they become twenty something and/or a parent, don't they. Then she said, but I'm not like that, I think you are so smart. (what does she want? the keys to the sports car?)
Snicker. . .

Forgot:
Let me know if you find any good convent's or monastery's.. all of the religious (catholic) "all girls" or "all boys" schools around here cost more than college! (and some of the kids they turn out are scarier than what I'd bet Katie had on her special **shivers**)

Ok, seriously though.

STD's, emotional entanglement, pregnancy and such aside. I would rather my kids not grow up being promiscuous. It causes way too much unneccessary baggage. If they insist on being sexually active, I would hope they are EXTREMELY selective.
I made mistakes growing up that I would rather my kids didn't. My son has opted for abstinance (so far) and it was by his own choice without prompting from his parents. So I have no worries there, because even if he does decide to have sex, I know it'll be for the right reasons (hopefully marriage).

When I was growing up, there was really no such thing as "Safe sex" because ALL sex was considered safe. STD's were curable (except herpes which is treatable)so people didn't care. The only thing anyone had to worry about was their reputation.
Today, no one really cares about reputation, they only care about surviving their sexual experience.

I wish the best to all those teens that decide to risk their life for an orgasm. I hope you feel really "grown up".

Not a parent (thank goodness!)...

I watched the special (wasn't originally planning on it, though)-nothing in it was particularly surprising. When you spend a considerable amount of time commuting on a public bus w/ plenty of jr high and high school students, you hear about them talk about it a lot. In too much detail, IMHO. Whether or not it's just "talk" or if it's actually true, I don't know.

It's less common to hear young adults talk about stuff like that at ballet. Probably because many of them are way too busy with ballet to be involved in a serious relationship. But I do see that "casual" attitude among them- complete with the "dancing" that's oh-so-popular these days. I've also noticed that teens these days are more touchy-feely, like with their friends. Lots of hugging, kissing (on the lips), massaging, patting on the rear end...

Ya' know what? This is network television. I'd put money on this whole article/series being SEVERELY edited to make it more salacious, scandalous and sensational than the reality could ever hope to be.

Seriously, I think your kids are smarter than that. All of 'em.

-G

I avoid anything Katie Couric does - she asks some of the stupidist and most disturbing questions sometimes. I really wonder how she gets so much money!

Katie who?

I don't know.. it doesn't feel that long ago I was a teenager and my friends were certainly far from angels. I think communication is the key.

I was kinda surprised by it all, but I did crack up when she used the word "man ho" Did anyone else just lose it then. My honey and I burst into giggles then!

I know it isn't PC, but in the end, kids are subject to pressures of all kinds, societal, peer and cultural.

It is the last of those- cultural pressures- that have the greatest impact on values and judgement.

In an environment that sexualizes children and sees no backlash- well, we have let a genie out of the bottle. TV, movies, magazines all tell kids they are grown up, capable of behaving and making decisions as adults,

We are told to be friends with our kids- that being emphasized over being parents to them.

We are told that childrens views are equivalent to our own, despite their lack of life experience.

We have allowed the media culture to invade and define our roles as parents and the role of children.

And we've stood by and said nothing- as if we do criticize, we are in the extreme, or in the minority.

We all talk about defending our children and protecting them- but in reality, we are talking in the abstract or about the extremes of violence, abduction or abuse.

We choose not to protect them from the real, everyday dangers that they confront.

Now, we are reaping what we have sown.

One thing that I haven't heard anyone talk about is the emotional well-being of these teenagers. Talking to them is great, but some of them wouldn't do what they do if they had higher self-esteem. It makes them care about themselves more and able to stand up to peer pressure, the need to be wanted, or validated in someone elses eyes. Another thing is to make sure the teenagers are involved in something. Most of the time they have to much time on their hands, which is the window of opportunity left open for them to get into trouble.

This is just my two cents.

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I am seriously wondering how homeschooling is connected to teenage sex? If a teenager wants to have sex, they will. Whether they are home, in a Catholic school, or in a public school! It is difficult at best to battle biology! I think this is such a difficult subject for a parent because it is the one thing we ultimately don't have total control over. We can influence, we can educate and we can model but in the end, the kid will decide where and when. As a mother of two girls, ages 15 and 9, that's a hard pill to swallow.

I was referred here by SC&A.

I thought this was rather relevant. It is something that a friend of mine posted in here LiveJournal the other day.

----------------------------

Currently the [US] federal government spends almost $140 million each year on abstinence-only-until-marriage programs. Below are some examples of what young people are being taught by these federally-funded programs. All of the examples come from curricula that are in some way supported by federal funds.

"The first player spins the cylinder, points the gun to his/her head, and pulls the trigger. He/she has only one in six chances of being killed. But if one continues to perform this act, the chamber with the bullet will ultimately fall into position under the hammer, and the game ends as one of the players dies. Relying on condoms is like playing Russian roulette." Me, My World, My Future, revised HIV material, p. 258

"Because they generally become aroused less easily, females are in a good position to help young men learn balance in relationships by keeping intimacy in perspective." Sex Respect, Student Workbook, p.6

"Is it fair to make the baby die because of a bad decision his or her parents made?" Sex Respect, Student Workbook, p.25

"Conception, also known as fertilization, occurs when one sperm unites with one egg in the upper third of the fallopian tube. This is when life begins...even though he or she was only the size of a pencil dot, the baby was a separate, genetically unique individual." FACTS, Middle School, Teachers Guide, p. 23

"THERE IS NO WAY TO HAVE PREMARITAL SEX WITHOUT HURTING SOMEONE." Sex Respect, Student Workbook, p.35

"A specific blood test for Chlamydia can detect the presence of the disease." Sex Respect, Student Workbook, p.44 (Chlamydia is a bacteria infection of the cervix or penis. It cannot be detected through a blood test.)

"At the least, the chances of getting pregnant with a condom are 1 out of 6." Me, My World, My Future, revised HIV material, p. 257. (When used consistently and correctly, condoms are 98 percent effective in preventing pregnancy and up to 99 percent effective when preventing the transmission of HIV and other STDs.)

"A young man's natural desire for sex is already strong due to testosterone...females are becoming culturally conditioned to fantasize about sex as well." Sex Respect, Student Workbook, p.6

"A woman is stimulated more by touch and romantic words. She is far more attracted by a man's personality while a man is stimulated by sight. A man is usually less discriminating about those to whom he is physically attracted." WAIT Training, Workshop Manual, p.40

"Watch what you wear, if you don't aim to please, don't aim to tease." Sex Respect, Student Workbook, p.82

One of the best ways to avoid AIDS is to "avoid homosexual behavior"Sex Respect, Student Workbook, p.25

"The liberation movement has produced some aggressive girls today, and one of the tough challenges for guys who say no will be the questioning of their manliness." Sex Respect, Student Workbook, p.85

"Choosing the Best states there are over 100,000 new cases of syphilis reported to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention(CDC) each year. (Student Manual, p. 14) Sex Respect says "infectious syphilis rates have more than doubled among teens since the mid-1980's." (Student Workbook, p.36) According to the CDC, 6,657 cases of primary and secondary syphilis were reported in 1999, the lowest annual number of cases reported since 1957.

"There is no such thing as 'safe' or 'safer' premarital sex." FACTS,Middle School, Teacher's Guide, p.9

"For condoms to be used properly, over 10 specific steps must be followed every time. This tends to minimize the romance and spontaneity of the sex act." Choosing the Best, Student Manual, p.25

"What if a girl came to school in a crop top, just barely covering her bra, and shorts starting 3 inches below her navel? What 'game' would she be playing?" WAIT Training, Workshop Manual, p.86

"How can girls make guys feel esteemed and admired for choosing the wise course?" Facing Reality, Student Manual, p.30

I didn't see the special. Coincidentally, I came across this photo essay today: http://www.time.com/time/photoessays/girlculture/index.html, which points to similar issues surrounding "growing up."

Although horrifying, it's not all that different from when I was a teenager, say 20 years ago. I always heard stuff was going on, but I was smart enough to be smart about it all. I wish I could give credit to my mother, but I think it's more like shit-luck.

And what Greg is noting? it's really really really really REALLY important! Science — don't let it escape your classrooms and communities.

We talked about that today, actually...I took a research methods course last semester as part of my grad program, and the prof from that class came in and talked to our cohort-and about how flawed that report was. "landmark" study? They surveyed, what, 200 students? Hardly any reason to get up in arms about anything, let alone teen sex.

Okay, I've read over what everyone has said and I'm going to add my two cents in here. I'm 20 years old, fixin to be 21, and I became sexually active at 14 and lost my virginity at the age of 15, although it was several years before it happened again. I wish I could change things but I can't. What I can do is give you all a little insight. My parents are great and have always given me more than enough attention. I was a smart kid, even though you might not think that by what I've told you. I made straight As all the way through high school and graduated 4th in my class. If I had to pin point something to blame I guess I would probably have to say the fact that I had low self-esteem from being overweight when I was younger and the fact that most of my friends were a year or two older than me. I know the thought of your kids being or becoming sexually active is very scary. I'd love to be able to tell you there's some secret to keep them from being sexually active, but the truth is, there isn't. And that doesn't mean you're not a good parent or that you didn't give them enough attention or anything like that.. My main advice to you would be talk to your kids but don't make threats. Inform them of all the dangers and risks that are involved and most importantly keep the lines of communication open. You have to be careful when talking to them because they'll be watching you very closely and testing to see how you handle it. When my mom found out about my first time, she was furious but after she calmed down, we talked about it and she told me that she hoped I would be smarter about it from now own but that if I insisted on having sex, I could come to her and she would take me to get on the pill. Well when the time came, that's exactly what I did. If she had of freaked out on me and pitched a fit, I can promise you it probably wouldn't have changed my mind but I definately wouldn't have tried talking to her again. My mom still preaches to me about the dangers of STDs, AIDS, and getting pregnent and its a lot more effective now that it was then. When it all comes down to it, kids are going to make mistakes and there's nothing you can do to prevent it but you can make sure you're there for them to talk to when everything falls apart, because it will. Here's a prime example: In high school I didn't drink much but I did on occassion. If my friends and I were going to a party, I didn't have to lie to my parents or sneak out... they trusted me to make good decisions. My mom always told me that no matter what, if I got somewhere and ended up drinking and so did everyone else, that I could always call her to come get me and I wouldn't get in trouble. Most of my friends parents would have grounded them for even being at a party. They had to lie and sneak around to go and they did it a lot. However, there a came a night when we were all drinking and they had to get home to beat their parents home. They ended up driving and I called my mom to pick me up... and she was true to her word. She was just grateful that I had enough sense to call her. I know I've rambled on and on but I just really don't feel like I'm getting my point across good enough. Be someone your kids can talk to openly and don't try to shelter them. Be blunt and honest with them, talk to them about things even if you think it might be too soon because it's better if they hear it from you first than friends at school. I know this post hasn't relieved any of your fears but hopefully you can get something out of it.

I didn't see the special, but I'm stunned by Greg's post about what type of information is going into government-funded sexual awareness initiatives. I cannot believe that federal funds are being used to spew such religious-undertoned and seemingly inaccurate information.

And don't even get me started on the "watch what you wear, if you don't aim to please, don't aim to tease" comment. I'm just so irritated right now.

Funny you should bring this up. My seven and a half year old asked about sex just the other day. It so affected me, I had to write about it. What an event, and way sooner than I thought it would come. They talk about it at school in first grade! I agree with the preemptive strike. She's hearing what I want her to hear first, before the misinformation gets to her.
One thing that bugged me about Katie's interview is that while the kids were from different backgrounds and ethnicities, one thing they all had in common was the intelligence and willingness to go on TV with their views AND, parents willing to go with them and talk about it. I don't think this represents your average sex-having teenager.

Another thing that bugged me is that it seemed to be presented as what these kids of today are doing. I've got news for Katie, oral sex among teens and "friends with benefits" is nothing new. If we, as parents, forget our own past and fixate on "the good ol' days" we are doomed to repeat those mistakes in our own children. I think sex and drugs in the 80's (and for that matter, 70's and 60's...) was just as bad as it is today. Maybe the terms are different and the activities have changed somewhat, but we can't put our heads in the sand and feign ignorance about what we ourselves saw as teens.
Good luck to us all!