Busy Boy got in trouble at school yesterday.
I've written before that, as a girl who freakishly attempted to please everyone all the time (Hi, I'm not just the Sandwich Generation Poster Child, I am also the spokesmodel for Adult Children of Alcoholics) as a child, I have trouble understanding why someone would break the rules, especially at school of all places or do something destructive.
I have a bad habit of assuming that people, especially my children, are just like me, so, I was mortified when Busy Girl got some frowny faces for behavior way back in kindergarten. Though not logical since my children are separate beings from me, I had trouble not feeling like their behavior at school was a reflection on me.
Yeah, I know, don't say it.
Though the other adult in the house might disagree, I'm much better about it now, and, I realize I was probably the abnormal one who got precisely one detention in school ever (and that one wasn't fair, either). As the parent of two boys, too, I have really had to learn to moderate my reactions to some things.
I have been a girl, I get the girl thing most of the time. I've never been a boy or had brothers, so, I don't always "get" the boy thing, but, I'm trying.
Where was I?
Oh, Busy Boy did something that involved defacing another child's property and it included the word "sucks". Actually, it's not at all like him and there is some background to the story which I won't go into here.
I was quite proud of him, he knew he shouldn't have done it, explained why he was angry at the time, and, he told the truth to his teacher and he said that he "felt good" telling the truth.
He's facing a detention, we won't know for sure until this afternoon, but, he's OK with it even though it means he will miss a football game and probably won't make the honor roll.
I was also pleased with my own reaction. Even though my first thought was, "What in the hell were you thinking?!", I listened to him and didn't get all riled up. Though what he did wasn't OK, I know why he was so angry and I ended up letting the Assistant Principal know of the circumstances, so, I hope Busy Boy realizes that even though we are angry with his actions, we will stand up for him when appropriate.
I was wishing my mother was around so I could tell her about it, since she had a good way of putting things in perspective for me.
I had coffee with her best friend this morning. This lady is older than I am, but, younger than my mother was, and, I suspect she was assigned sometime before July 20th to take care of me and keep up with the kids.
When she asked about the kids, I hesitated a minute (there I went again, worrying about what she would think of me), but, I told her the story, complete with the details of the circumstance.
She thought about it briefly, and, said, "He really wrote 'sucks'?" and I nodded affirmatively.
I was expecting some wise counsel when she said:
"Your mother would be proud."
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My son got into some trouble last week. I went to pick him up from daycare after getting the news from his teacher and I was SO.READY. to kick his 6 year old little ass. When I arrived he was sound asleep on the couch at daycare.
That certainly slowed me way down in the beatings and yellings. Honestly, I'm so glad he was sleeping because it made me think twice about how I would approach the issue with him. Never mind that I had over an hour between getting the news and getting to him. I think actually seeing him in a state of rest and not being a boy climbing around like a monkey settled me down.
For the record, he came up with his behavior solutions all on his own. I'm pissed and proud all at the same time.
I love your mom's friend reaction! I am the youngest of five kids and I am constantly trying to please everyone. It's just simply impossible and I end up wearing myself out emotionally so I am trying to give that part of my personality up. I'm glad that you had a good talk with Busy Boy over this!
I have the home phone number of the Dean of Students at Gameboy's brand new high school. He too did something stupid, should've asked for help first; but took responsibility for his actions and truly feels sorry for what he did.
I listened to his side of the story, spoke with the Dean, and decided that this was just another growing pain and no punishment was necessary. He felt bad enough, and had learned a valuable lesson all on his own.
This parenting thing is tough. Who knew?
Of course this was timed nicely to go right with all of the other turmoil in our lives - so I have to believe that stress did affect the situation.
Sounds like your mom's friend has quite the way of putting things in perspective, too! :)
God bless that woman.
I know how you feel about wishing your mom ws there... I wished that too about Drew's little escapade, because Drew was named for, and is very much like, HER father.
My mom also assigned me a faux mom, too, though, and that hsa really been a saving grace, even though I didn't think I needed one.
Well handled!
Detention just for writing someone SUCKS? LOL. Must be a Catholic school. ;o)
*shut up!* I'm Catholic too! LOL.
My one detention was also undeserved. No, really, I didn't have to serve the time because Mrs. Goidel (home ec) had it revoked.
Almost always being the good child makes it difficult for me to understand misbehavior, although I have to say mine has rarely gotten in trouble. He did have to confess today that he had to sign the homework book (not having his homework), because he lost the workbook in study hall.
Good luck to you and your dad on his big day. Give him a hug for me and call if you need anything.
Even though you didn't go into great detail of why he did it, I got the impression that "SUCKS" was the best word he thought of to describe it all. And bless your mom's friend for summing it all up! Ya think maybe she was channeling your mom??? ;)
be pissed off that he wrote "sucks".... but be proud that he told you the truth... and hopefully, he will learn from this experience and never do it again.....
ah, the joys of parenting. I wish it was easier.... and they ALL have their special moments.....
good luck with this parenting thing.... since it may suck some of the time, and be an utter joy the other!
Jill
It must be that kind of week. Yesterday my 6 yr old wrongly accused his cousin of cheating in a game. So, he wrote an apology, drew him a picture, and enclosed one of his fave Pokemon cards. Gave it to Cousin promptly this morning.
Nicely handled...he's smart enough to know that lying about it won't help, so he's probably kicking himself (however justified his action may or may not have been). You, for not blowing your top, win the Peace Prize this year! Way to support your kid the RIGHT way.
yikes... reading your ACOA description of yourself, including the not breaking any rules thing, was like reading about myself. My mom claims that although my dad was not a typical alcholic, he had the personality of one, so I guess some of those same traits you developed make sense for me too.
congrats on handling that episode so well, BM.
Kudos all the way around for the way everyone reacted/handled the matter! And wow, I need a "mom figure" friend like that! She sounds wonderful!
Sometimes a good 'sucks' is just what the doctor ordered.
Two things: First, 'sucks' is one of those evolving vocab words. Remember when Doonesbury got in so much trouble in a former presidential administration? My thought is, when did that word go from being a verb to an adjective? It is one of those generational dividers, I think. And the useage by Busy Boy was probably in the newer version of the meaning.
Second, my daughter was in 4th grade when she called a boy in her class a "butthead". She of the sweet smiling face and deep poetry driven eyes. She was disciplined by the teacher and that included having to bring a parent to school for a teacher talk. Ms Teacher and I conducted that formal interview, Daughter had some punishment, but as I was leaving the room the teacher pulled me aside and said to me alone, as daughter had left the area, 'just so you won't be too hard on her at home, she was accurate in her interpretation of the phrase and also said to him what I have wanted to say all semester". Which immediately made me want to hunt up the little kid and give him a hug and made me wonder what the teacher said about us behind our backs. But also....well, daughter was being a normal kid and that made me happy. It is healthy to have an opinion and be able to express it...which I think was the focus of your post. Thanks, Sue