My son's soccer coach has a mercy rule - they're not allowed to win by more than 3 goals.
However in soccer, the game is still exciting and fast moving even when goals aren't being scored.

My son's coach did the same thing. And he put in the less experienced boys, so my son got some actual playing time. It worked well and most of the kids on both teams came away with a positive experience.

I always wonder what we are teaching kids when we get upset about these blowout games or we start asking kids to play differently (such as not scoring goals as part of a 'mercy rule'). Part of sportsmanship is losing as well as winning. It's learning to lose gracefully that helps us to grow up, I think. When I was growing up, sports among kids were competitive. Our parents TAUGHT us to be competitive and also that there was no shame in losing so long as you tried your very best. When we lost a game, my softball coach would ask us what we thought we could have done better and we spent our time working on that.

These days people are SO afraid of hurting kids feelings. Being competitive is looked upon as a 'bad thing'. Little Johnny can't learn about defeat because it's 'demeaning'. LIttle Janey can't be allowed to win a game by more than a certain margin because the other team might get their feelings hurt.

Not everyone can win every game. It's one of the earliest things we learn as young children when we start playing Candyland. Sometimes you do lose and, yes, it sucks but it's not the end of the world.

Part of what sports should do is teach dealing with failure. All the varied kinds. Sometimes, you have bad luck. Sometimes, you get soooo close, but not close enough.

and some days, it was your day to get your ass whupped but good.

Learning how to deal with such things, and how to *learn* from that failure is the important part. Stuff like mercy rules and not counting points, etc., is so counter productive, because eventually, the little dears will be in a situation where they won't have someone making it "less unfair", and they'll be totally unprepared to deal with it.

Instead of creating false realities and expectations, after a blowout, go out for some ice cream, then the next practice, sit down and teach them how to go through that blowout, and learn where they could have done something different, or adjusted. Failures are some of the best learning experiences you'll ever have, why hide from them?

How timely! I am living in this hell currently. My 10 year old's basketball team won their monday game by 20 pts. There were 4 six minute quarters.. how long did my daughter play? 7 minutes. That was the longest she played at any game this season.

Today they only won by two points. She played less then 3 minutes. She was heartbroken. After the game she cried. The coach came by and aske why... I told him that she was crying because she is tired on never playing so that the team can win. Let's just say that he didn't take it well.

Shouldn't a ten year old play at least a full quarter of the game? I am tired of feeling like an unreasonable bitch for wanting that. I don't think that my husband would take my side on this...

If she just wants to play, that's what pickup games are best at. She can play for hours, and, along the way, improve her skills. Or decide that playing organized isn't for her. I LOVED playing pickup football. At one point, we all had our own pads, we'd go commit mayhem all over each other for hours every weekend. But actually playing for a TEAM? Nah, that was tedious, and boring.

With anything you give something up. When it's just a pickup game, you don't get trophies or your name in the paper, but you have a ton more fun.

When it's organized, you may get bigger rewards, but you may not play. That's part of teamwork, subsuming the individual desire for the collective goal of helping the team. Everything is a tradeoff. If she really wants to just play some roundball, you don't need a team for that.

My parents always called them "character building" games. As for the child who isn't getting any playing time, talk with the coach, if unresponsive, talk with the higher ups in the organization. You paid the same amount of money as all of the other parents, and generally rec sports guarantee that all children will get playing time. If it isn't too late, perhaps she can be moved to another team. Unfortuantely BTDT with one soccer team a few years ago.

Although I think it is important to have a level playing field in terms of all children getting to play, I also feel it is important to keep reality in check. Sometimes life hands you a blow out and "coddling" children so they don't have to experience them is not doing them any favors in the long run. With that said, no team should have to lose all the time. What's the fun in that?

Adults are always the problem here..or nearly always. Coaches who care more about winning games in a 10 year old league than ensuring that everyone gets to play are missing the point.

Later on in junior high and high school there will be teams where only the strong survive. Youth leagues are meant to be fun, teach fundamentals, and teach people how to be good winners and handle defeat.

Losing isn't the end of the world...trust me, most kids figure out the losing deal without a bunch of adults cramming down their throat what a great character-building experience the losing is..

Coddling is one thing..watching a youth league team lose by 50 points or whatever is pathetic..more an ego trip for the coaches and parents than anything positive for the kids.

I never could stand those leagues that didn't keep score...to me, that's the other extreme (unless the kids are under 6 years of age, in which case, the ONLY thing that matters is the treat that follows the game).

It's a tough one. We teach our kids to be kind to each other and not try to deliberately hurt others - but also to work as hard as they have the ability. What happens when their ability far out weighs that of another?

Recently a HS we're associate with trounced another school in football (50+ points); the coach put his 3rd string on the field in the 2nd quarter - it didn't really help, and I don't blame those boys for playing to the best of their abilities. They've never seen the field in a game, it was their moment of glory.

I have to admit though, I did say a little prayer for those boys who never gave up - not even when their was no hope of even saving face. And, it felt good when I saw our players not only NOT celebrate their win (and clinch of the playoffs) but also offer kind words to the other team. It was hard on all of the people in attendance.