BusyMom, I hate to tell you this, but you are on the downhill slide to teenager-ville. You might as well take the trip to your closest Clinique counter and let those girls do a little makeup magic. Remember, Clinique is pretty tame and you'll be in control. (At least you get to think you're still in control.) Lots of luck.

I allowed clear mascara and clear lipgloss when my daughter started middle school. She is in 8th grade now and sometimes wears a light brown eyeliner and mascara. I'll allow more when she starts high school next year. The alternative would be sneaking to the school bathroom every morning and afternoon to apply and wash off makeup.

Sorry. My 16-year old is an all-black outfit, no-makeup wearin' geek. Never had to worry about it.

I like the whole - only mascara or lipgloss for a year, then add on more as they age. Clear is a great way to start and they can add colour as they go. Just a thougt. I may end up coming to you for advice in a few years.

I'm not really qualified to respond, since my daughter's not quite 12, but we're fighting the battle already. My rule has been lipgloss only, though she's stretched it out to pink eyeshadow when I wasn't paying attention. Then she added eyeliner and has lost the eyeshadow till 8th grade. 9th grade if she pushes the limits again.

I don't have a daughter, but I had a sister who was younger enough from me that I didn't want her to look like a 'whore bag'. Unfortunately, my sis went through this heavy eye makeup phase (and she would kill me if she knew I was sharing that with the internets). So I eventually had one of my attractive female friends to talk to my sis about how to wear makeup with class.

So, I would imagine that if you were to embrace the makeup thing and take your daughter for a big day out at Mac cosmetics (or something) and have them show her how to put on some really classy, understated makeup, then you may be able to really win the makeup battle permanently. Otherwise she will be learning how to apply eyeliner from her friends, and lets face it, they are probably not going to be going for the most classy look.

Those are my 2 completely speculative cents.

WIth a 13 year old who has always been drawn to the makeup counter, I never fought it. Maybe I should've, but, I didn't. She wears it and has for about a year. I let her know when I think she has too much on, but, really, she's better at makeup than I am. She never went to Clinique or nothing. She's learned it from her teen magazines and friends. She may have learned some from me.

My daughter is 18 now. We decided when she was 14 she could start wearing make-up. Now she's better at putting it on than I am!

I always thought 14 or 15 was a good age for it. My mom would let me wear lipgloss and that's it until I was 16 though I always suspected that had more to do with my father (who was VERY strict where my mother was not so much but he ruled the roost).

I recently commented on this to someone else as well (outabodymommy) - My daughter's only 12, but the rule has been in effect since she was 11 when her Auntie gave her all the samplers from her avon business.

Rule is simple - if I can't tell she has makeup on, then she's done it right and gets to wear it. Aka - natural enhancement, not warpaint. I also let her have makeup parties with her girlfriends, where they can cake it on as thick as they want - then wash it off, and go the 'natural enhancement' route, and see the difference. As a result, she's better at putting the stuff on then I EVER have been, and it's never over the top. Her friends' moms have actually thanked me too, because in letting them take part, it's curbed their tendency to go overboard.

And my 'being able to tell' can be stretched a bit too if the situation calls for it. (for a dance, i usually allow a little bit extra mascara, or slightly darker shadow. not much more, but there's room for going either way with the rules and the respect we've set up with them)

Either way - when she does her makeup, it's abit of tinted lipgloss, and some light shadow, a touch of mascara. (she learned quickly that she has momma's coloring and blushes plenty on her own - no need for blusher!)

She never goes overboard and we're both happy with the results.

It starts about this age and gets worse because subtlety and artistry do not apply. Whatever happened to the "natural" look ?, Here's what I can tell you from experience: do not give in to the plea to use "Sun In" on the hair (usually happens on vacation at the beach)....I knew better but was out-argued. The product has not changed a bit since we were teens..all it does is turn hair BRASSY...resulting in an expensive salon fix which turns in to getting expensive highlights ad infinatum.

When my daughter turned 13 I took her to the department store to get makeup. Luckily she like me would rather sleep than put on makeup so it was never a big deal. A few weeks ago she had an important interview and called to ask if she should wear makeup.

I agree with the 'add something every year' philosophy. Lipstick then mascara, eyeliner, etc. I always thought make-up makes young girls look so trashy (which is probably why most young boys like it) ... too bad the girls don't realize this.

Stupid Girl, Jr., turned 12 a week ago. Our (well, mine) is that she can wear all the lip gloss she's allowed, and nothing else, viz makeup. I *may* bump that up to eyeliner next year, but I may not, too. I like keeping things a little off-balance.

I'm not much of a makeup-wearer, myself, so when my daughter came home from school one day last year (she was 12, in 7th grade) and informed me that she wanted to wear makeup, my initial response was - no way. But I have found that over-reacting on my part generally leads to digging in of heels on her part, so I decided to take her shopping for makeup. After much inspection and discussion, between the two of us, and with the makeup experts, we ended up with clear mascara, lip gloss and eye shadow in subtle shades of brown. It seemed ok to me and she was happy too. She wore it for about 2 weeks, and then the novelty wore off and the makeup just sits in a basket in the bathroom. With her, it was more the IDEA of being allowed to wear makeup that the actually ACT of wearing it.
I don't know what the moral of this story is. I'm glad the whole makeup thing didn't turn into a battle of wills between the two of us. I'm glad she isn't wearing it on a regular basis. Whatever lesson I may have learned, I hope I can remembe to apply it to the next growing-up crisis in our household.

My DD is now a bit over 14. The rule in our family has always been no makeup until you're 13. I allowed her to wear mascara and lip gloss for fancy occasions before that, but daily makeup was 13. She ran with it at 13 and now has more makeup than I do.

I took her to MAC to learn how to apply makeup, especially eye makeup, and to determine what colors look best for her. No blue eyeshadow for my daughter! We've gone to Bloomingdales several times and just sat in chairs and had people do us over. Most of the time I'm way over the top, but she is so young that they use a much lighter touch. I must look like I need it troweled on at my age!

Now DD wears mascara, eyeliner, a bit of shadow, and lip gloss. Rarely she'll use blush but she doesn't need it. I DO NOT allow her to wear black makeup. She can use charcoal or dark brown, but black on young girls looks slutty to me. She's happy with that. She now has eye pencils in several colors and mixes and matches with shadows like a pro.

Hope this helps.

I let my daughters ease into it in stages. First, they experimented at home. Then lip gloss. Then a little mascara. I've always felt that make-up should enhance without really being noticeable. About eighth grade, I let the rules relax a little. But I still occasionally comment on my high schooler's applications. If it's too much, it comes off. Fortunately, both my girls are pretty reasonable about it. I think that if you make too big a deal about it, they just want to wear it even more. And when picking your battles, a little bit too heavily applied eyeliner isn't a bad one to lose.

Hi Busymom,
My daughter started wearing make up in middle school. She started out with cream blush, macara, eye liner, and natural shade eye shadow. Now my daughter is 16 and sure she has more colors in her eye shadow collection, but if you sit down with your daughter and show her how to apply it and explain day make up is less dramatic than evening make up and Im assuming your daughter is not dating so evening make up shoudl not apply. Another great tip I used was going on the intranet showing my daughter girls/women made up like clowns and streetwalkers and we both had a good laugh.

OMG There's ANOTHER Cher! LOL.. Ahem.. anyway.. to the topic at hand. My daughter is fifteen.. she showed absolutely zero interest in make-up or anything even remotely "girly" till she turned 14.. so that was a blessing.. a two year delay in the "mom conundrum" that we get pitched into when our daughters become teens. We started out much the same as everyone else.. a little clear mascara, some gloss on her lips.. but then, at fifteen, she hit "punkdom" and.. well, I'm one for freedom of expression so.. I took her shopping for her own makeup. She does do the eyeliner a little heavy for my taste at times, but she's pretty level headed and figures out quickly what works for her and what doesn't. She's still with the clear mascara because she's got lashes a mile long and very dark. For the most part she's still very nutral in her color choices, thank god.. (I loathe bright blue eyeshadow) and is some what downplayed with her whole make-up experience. My main concern is skincare. Teenaged skin is so hormonaly iffy anyway.. so I stress daily cleansing, deep pore cleansing, etc. So far, the outbreaks are minimum.. at least with the acne. Good luck with your daughter. you're moving into a whole new fun phase of parenting. YOu do grind your own coffee, right??

I started wearing makeup in seventh grade. I was twelve. My mom wasn't a big makeup wearer, so she never really taught me how. I just sorta jumped in with green mascara and green eyeshadow! (To match my outfit, natch!)

I say start slow. Lipgloss and and maybe a touch of neutral eyeshadow.

My mother allowed me to wear mascara and clear (or lightly tinted) lipgloss when I was 13. Once I was 16 I was "bestowed" the privilige to wear everything else.

But, here I am 21 and still only wear mascara and lipgloss *chuckle*

Well, my daughter is five, so I'm in no position to know really, but I would say perhaps some mascara and a nice subtle shade of lipstick/gloss would be okay at that age. Perhaps it would be enough to make her happy for now, and then you could put off the rest of it for a while longer.

I told sister that she could wear makeup starting at 13, same rules as above, we go to - in our case Mary kay - and let them teach you to properly apply it so as not to have warpaint. The daughter does not even want to wear makeup - says she doesnt need it. So, though I.m no help, I say starting at 13 with restrictions.

I have two teenaged girls: 15 and 13. Neither of them wear make-up, but the 15 year old will sometimes put on a little eyeliner and lipgloss. The 13 year old is still in her Tom Boy stage, slowing doing the girlie thing but not interested in make-up. I guess they get that from me because I don't use make-up too often. I don't the the full-face thing. Just lipstick, mascara and eyeliner.

No matter what amount of makeup you allow, at any age, is going to freak you out.....your baby isn't a baby anymore. Let her wear what she wants because it's all going to upset you and be too much anyway. Mine is 15 and she has now lighten up on the eye stuff and looks alot more natural but she sure looked like a raccoon at 13 (7th grade).

I don't have a 12 year old daughter, but for me, I was allowed light blue eyeshadow and light pink (read: clear LOL) lipstick when I was 12. (I was a kid in the 80s. :) By the time I started high school I was allowed what ever, as long as I didn't look "trashy" (who didn't look "trashy" in 1988 though? :)

I spent 8 years as a 4-H leader to 12-17 year olds of privilege. All coming to me as a big sister and makeup was one area we covered even though it wasn't in our Horse group agenda. I arranged for the group of 14-15 year olds to get a professional make-over with the parents approval.

I had found an old manual on makeup and the age of a girl wearing makeup being first year in High School lipstick, second year mascara and the junior year advancing to full makeup.

While I was laughed at a little at first, the girls loved the professional makeup artist I contracted with, who by the way was a television makeup artist, and basic instructions and cleansing techniques were covered.

I think 12 is too young and hopefully if I am carrying a girl, when she is 12 it won't be an issue, I doubt it, but I would suggest going to Merle Norman or MAC and explaining the foundation to wearing makeup, (facial cleansing).

16? 14? 12? One of those...

I started wearing makeup when I was in 7th grade- My mom had the brilliant idea of taking me to Clinque for a makeover and letting me choose my three favorite products to take home. I'm sure she spoke to the makeup woman in advance and asked her to keep it light. Clinique lipstick/eyeshadow/etc is so sheer you can't really see it anyway, so I had glamorous, semi-expensive makeup, I didn't look like a two-bit whore, and we were both happy.

With my two girls, I told them they were welcome to wear it as long as it wasn't the first thing I noticed on their faces. I told them that that was always a good rule of thumb- You want people to see you and think you look really pretty, not that your makeup looks good. So far, that's worked and no one's come downstairs with a clown face.

Good luck!

We told the girls that they had to be 16 to date boys alone and to wear makeup. We bought them mascara at 14 and I taught them how to wear it. Luckily they have LONG lashes and that didn't last long. Makeup to me is foundation and blush. They were working at part-time jobs and could buy that stuff at 16 on their own. BUT, we reserved the right to tell them they looked like street-walkers and had to take it off and try again. They didn't leave the house unless we could see their natural beauty. Neither wear a lot of makeup now as they get older unless it's a special occasion. Lip gloss with a little bit of color was what they got on their 13th birthday. Hopefully your daughter is close to that day, haha! Have fun with it...is she wearing all black yet? Ours did that from 12-14. FUN! Color finally was back in their clothes the day they turned 14...amazing!

When I was young, I was told no make-up until high school. Well, of course, I cheated. Remember back in the '70's when Maybeline came out with those kits that had eye shadow, eye liner and mascara all in one handy dandy compact? Yup, I bought one with some babysititng money and would put it on in the morning on the bus and rub it off on the way home. Worked well for quite some time until I got sick one day and had to be picked up at school by my mom. That was one day I will never forget! I felt like crap physically and then the emotional turmoil for "disappointing" her.

Make-up here was allowed between 12 and 13 years old. They were very diligent at first but soon realized that an extra hour of sleep was way more important than make-up. Plus, they didn't like going through the "Dad test" because if he thought it was too much, it all came off for the day.

My daughter is only six so I haven't had this pleasure yet but I do still have the pictures from when I was first allowed to wear make up. Why didn't anyone tell me black mascara was wrong, wrong, so wrong for a blonde?? Lesson learned is to be sure someone teaches her the right way to wear it so she doesn't look back in twenty years & hang her head in shame.

For some reason, it was never an issue here. Like so many things, there was never a "rule." When they were 11 or 12 they overdid it, but I didn't make a huge issue of it, and they've settled down on their own. If I'd put my foot down, they would have been doing it in the bathroom at school where I couldn't see them.

If I thought it was too much, I said so, but you have to pick your battles carefully. Even my seven year old has been known to put lipstick on for church, but so what? There are worse things.

Go with your gut - find out why she wants to wear it, reaffirm that "pretty" is an inside job, and take it from there.

I was allowed to start wearing makeup at 12. When both of my sisters turned 12 (one is 5 years younger and the other 14 years younger), I bought them both their first makeup kits for their birthdays - with parental approval. My parents had to approve all of my makeup, and since I never went heavy or goth or anything like that, eventually they stopped checking.
You could take her to a Mary Kay party or a makeup demo at a department store, where there are salespeople determined to find the best stuff for your face and skin tone because they want you to buy their product. A friend of mine did this with her 15 year old niece (who was going down the goth route) by hosting a Mary Kay party and then having her pick a few things out for herself. And what do you know - it worked! When people other than Mom tell you what works and what doesn't, somehow it means more.

Someday is here.

My daughter is three months old so I guess it's still a bit early for makeup. But I really appreciate the great feedback from your readers! Every family has their own rules but peer pressure can be very powerful. Your likely to wear makeup earlier in NYC than in Wisconsin. As long as the girls don't look ridiculous I don't have a problem with it. But a minimum age of 12-14 sounds like a nice idea. I do see girls who can't be much more than ten wearing more makeup than an adult and it looks silly. I would not want my daughter to look like that.

AD

hot topic! How old were we when we started wearing makeup? I think it was the 7th grade. Did we turn out okay?

My 7 year old went to school today with pink lipgloss. She is allowed to wear sparkles on her cheeks (I don't get it), lipgloss and nail polish. I pick my battles very carefully. She's so headstrong and independent, I don't want to be battling with her ALL of the time. lol

I think eyeliner is way to sophisticated for middle school girls and makes them look much too old. I'd go for clear mascara, lip gloss, and pale eyeshadow. If she wants some drama teach her to wear a little darker shade at the base of her eyelid. I'd speak to a clinique lady about what you want and then take her in. Let her pick a product or two and then you can take her to Target for the rest. I recommend Jane products for tweens and teens. you should also teach her that with the privelage of make up is the responsibility of skin care. Get her makeup remover and cleanser as well as a moistureizer and it's never too early to drill in the "ALWAYS WEAR SPF!". I recommend clean and clear for teens (bought it for my little bro who is 13!). The morning burst orange stuff is very nice.

Oooh, another idea, if you did want to do the Mary Kay route is get together with other mom's so she and her friends could have a party together and learn to put on makeup.

Oh the teen years.....not so very long ago I was there.

I"m a high school teacher, and it's all too soon these days.... yikes! When I was in middle school (late '70's) i snuck the little tub of blue eyeshadow to school. In high school my mom let me wear lip gloss, I think. Maybe you can allow her one item for now, and another later...

It's so great that you are concerned with this and not just giving in...would that my mom had paid attention (or one of my three sisters!!); it would have saved me from the day that my friend told me that "Mark asked if you went to Florida--" I was secretly thrilled until I realized that Mark was a stoner and if he thought I looked tan (in December) then all the other guys just thought I looked ridiculous because I had WAAY too much foundation on(and apparently the wrong color!) I'm still embarrassed about it lo these MANY years later! Save her from herself!

I did it exactly the same with my now 13 year old daughter (starting at 12 or so) and had the same fabulous results. I also make sure she has good quality makeup that won't clog her pores (like Clinique or Lancome).

My 16 yr old just started wearing eye liner and mascara this year. On special occassions she will wear lipgloss but never lipstick. She competed in pageants when she was younger and liked the make-up and everything but understood that was only for the stage, not out in public.

Had she come to me when she was 12 yrs old and asked to wear make up I would say ok to pastel nail polishes, clear mascara, and bonnie bell lipglosses but nothing more than that. I would also offer to take her to a salon to have her nails done by a professional not just mommy done. Salon trips make them feel a bit grown up.

Mom of four daughters here -- aged 12, 18, 24, 26 -- and all I can tell you is things have definitely changed since we were that age! I wasn't allowed to touch even the mild stuff till I was in 9th grade, and wasn't allowed to wear eye makeup till 11th grade. (Note, I said "wasn't allowed" ... I didn't say "didn't wear" ...)

I remember full well being told "you're too young" ad I simply hit the school bathroom first thing in the morning and piled the crap on anyhow. I vowed then -- and have since lived up to it! -- that I would never make one of my kids have to sneak behind my back to do something utterly harmless like wear makeup.

These days at 12 they're already streaking their hair. Your best bet, as the guidance giver, is to permit it, and to be honest with her about it. Show her on your own face how too much can quickly become slutsville vs. just right = enhanced beauty. And, when she piles it on a little too thick around the eyes for your taste, quietly tell her less is more, but let her go out with racoon eyes till she has an ephiphany and snaps out of it.

With my two youngest daughters, I simply sat down with each of them at the right time and we did each other's faces, and had a blast piling the crap on so we looked like Cleopatra crossed with the corner of 5th & High -- and then we applied it right and shared ideas.

My 12-year old now wears makeup only when performing (she's a dancer) and a little bit when we're going someplace nice. The rest of the time, she isn't interested.

My 18-year old's boyfriend asked her about a year ago "why do you put so much of that black crap around your eyes?" and took care of the "too much eyeliner" problem for me!

I personally never wore makeup myself, just because I wore it all the time for dance, but my friends generally started with lip gloss and just a light little bit of eye shadow in middle school. It's one of those things, as someone previously mentioned, that if you try and fight it, chances are she'll just sneak into the bathroom and do it, then wash it off before she gets home. It might be better if you teach her how to do it so she doesn't put way too much on or so she doesn't ruin her skin, that kind of stuff.

I don't have kids, but I remember what my mom did with me, and I always felt she handled it really well. I was allowed to start with lip gloss or light lipstick, and clear mascara to start. Some girls that age start to get zits and oil, so powder in the right shade comes next. (Make sure it's not too dark and creating that fabulous line along the jaw. Eww...) Add as you feel she has learned how to put the stuff on!

That is a tough one! My daughter is 15, and she was about 12 when she wanted to start to wear makeup. I comprimised and allowed her lip gloss, and the other subtle ones.
From there it has grown into a little more involved look. But fortunalty I kept it a non-fighting issue that is a natural progression for a girl. Since it was normal progression and not a war she has kept it very simple, and only uses makeup to accent her beauty. Not paint a "hussy" or whatever.

I do demonstrations of skin care and make up products for people professionally, so I have seen it all. I agree with taking her somewhere and having a professional help her match colors with her skin tone and learn how to put it on.

Personally, I think younger girls start best with the right shade of concealer (if they need it yet, if not, get it later when they do), a bit of blush, eyeshadow, and lipgloss (clear or a gentle color). Eyeliner is difficult to get right by yourself at that age for a lot of girls, and mascarra, if not applied just right, can look clumpy and thick.

As they get a little older and show an interest, the right shade of powder applied with a big, soft makeup brush gives the skin an even tone without appearing heavy. (Application with a sponge lays it on too thick for young skin.)

By no means should a girl that young use foundation. It rubs off on things such as clothing, which can be embarrassing, and just generally doesn't contribute to the "natural" look a girl needs at that age. Besides, a woman doesn't need that much coverage until she gets older.

I recommend BeautiControl products, which is what I personally use. Their skincare systems are second to none and are divided by age group. They also carry an acne line when that becomes an issue. Their makeup is good quality also, and the consultants can match their skin tone to the right color powder easily. They have a great "wet/dry finish" that can be used as a powder dry or, for an adult, as a foundation when applied with a damp sponge. Their lipglosses come in lots of colors, too, as well as clear, so you can find something subtle if you would like to start with that.

If these products are not an option or you prefer to pick out your makeup at a local shop instead of buying it from an individual, make sure that the skincare system includes at LEAST a cleanser and a moisturizer and unless you are treating acne or an excessive oil problem, it should not contain alcohol, which is harsh on normal skin, especially young skin.

Makeup should NEVER be used without incorporating appropriate skin care at the same time. If she is not mature enough to keep up with washing her face every night before bed, she is not ready for makeup.

Good luck, and the main thing is to have fun with it. This can be a great bonding time as you share interest in "girl stuff." It's a wonderful opportunity to be the good guy for once.