In addition to being a big shopping and eating season, Thanksgiving weekend is also a popular time for grade school kids to spend the night out, or, have overnight guests.
Just a note to those of you considering having another child: If you space the kids out too far, the odds of them spending the night out at the same time, leaving you at home alone, are greatly diminished. Take it from me, I know of what I speak.
Anyway, the whole spend the night thing sounds simple enough, but, it can actually be quite complicated.
First, there's the issue of what if the object of your invitation isn't home at the time of said invitation. You have to navigate the etiquette of how long you wait for them to respond before you invite someone else or accept another invitation.
Personally, I don't leave an invitation on an answering maching because of this whole thing. If the desired person is out of town or something, waiting all day may prevent you from going somewhere or having someone else over.
Yes, that problem is diminished if you actually issue the invitation days in advance. But, well...shut up.
Then there's the whole issue of "Spend the Night Debt".
As kids get older, you can often acquire a lengthy list of people to whom you "owe" an invitation. We're a bit behind on payments for Busy Girl's account. In our defense, she has a long list of friends who are only children and they could likely be traumatized by a night over here.
So, do you spend the next six weekends having other kids over, or, do you pay them all back on one lump sum and have a whole chunk of kids over at one time to catch up? What if those kids don't know each other or get along?
Additionally, you have to teach kids to be comfortable declining an invitation, when they already have one, but, they don't want to let the second person know where they are going because feelings could get hurt.
Busy Girl feels like she either has to hide the fact that she's going to someone else's house or volunteer every detail if she receives a second invitation. Like many adults, she needs to learn to be comfortable with saying, "I'm sorry, I can't tonight. Maybe we can do something next week?", if she feels like she doesn't want the second person to know where she's going.
Conversely, we need to make sure our kids know not to quiz someone who turns down their invitation for the same reason. However, both of my older ones seem to be pretty good about not getting hurt feelings if a friend is going to someone else's house.
If you don't have kids, I'm pretty sure I just bored you to death (sorry 'bout that, you can wake up now, I'm almost done), but, these are the issues, man, they're real, they're gritty.
And you thought it was simple to say, "Hey, do you want to have someone spend the night tonight?"
I scoff in your general direction.
Recent Entries on Busymom.net:
- Dorm room planning, or not quite a college mom blog
- Summer's here
- Baseball, hotdogs, apple pie and Renfest
- Sing. Fly. Mate. Die.
- What do cicadas sound like?
I am there with you, Busy mom. Additionally, there is the problem when one child is more social than the other. My daughter is invited to spend the night, and thus returns the "favor" much more often than my son. i don't know if its a boy-girl thing or what, but it can cause probs. And I HATE dealing with problems on my weekends/holidays. Ugh!!
I love that my older kids handle their own social calendars and leave me out of it. As long as I know where they are (Their spend the night places are the same kids...not at once, of course) and I know what they're going to be doing....when I need to drop them off, pick them up, etc. I'm good.
With three kids and a small house, my house is not big enough for sleep overs. Hate that.
Test
You forgot to touch on the whole girl/boy thing! My daughter has tons of friends who are boys, and I put a stop to co-ed sleep overs just recently (she's almost 9). Now she's mad because a lot of her friends are boys so she lost a huge chunk of kids to have sleepovers with, while her brother and sister (age 6) are still able to have their friends because they are twins. If a boy that is my daughter's friend wants to sleep over, they call it "his" friend. Very complicated, and I'm right with you on the "rules" of it all!
I LOL in your general direction!
Hmmm...things to look forward to....NOT!
Thought you were talking directly AT me with the "thinking about having more kids" - but then again...we're already well on our way.
So tell me, what happens when they are (individually) spaced close together, but you have so many that the first and the fourth are five years apart???? So far they're all boys, so I'm guessing that's in my favor :)
I hear you on the sleepover debt! I have to pay up and soon :(
has anyone dealt with bedwetting issues and sleepovers.?
Sadie-My oldest son has to take medication at night to keep from wetting the bed, so when he gets invited on a sleepover, I put the pill bottle in his overnight bag and just tell the other kid's mother that Ryan has medication he needs to take. So far, it has never been a problem.
Before we discovered that there was medication he could take, he just didn't go on sleepovers. He's too big to wear Pull-Ups, and there was just no way to guarantee he would stay dry.
What about the desperate "call-back?" In the wee hours, begging, "COME AND GET ME, I WANT TO GO HOME?" Do kids not do that any more? I sure did, at least in the beginning.
Ooh, this was a great post. I'm taking notes for future reference! At 6 1/2, Sweetpea has had only a handful of the "spend the night" opportunities outside of the times she stays over at her grandparents house. But this issue is right around the corner and I want to be prepared!
That whole issue right now is pretty easy. Tony is allowed to be with just one family - our best friends, and that family allows their kids just one place outside their extended family - and that's us.