Busy Girl wants to have some friends over for a party after school is out.
The proposed party included male guests.
My first reaction?
Despite the tween dating stuff, it would be fine with me, we'd limit the numbers, and, I know her friends, including the guys, and, they're good kids.
They're all friends, and, the "dating" thing really only involves a couple of them.
But, even though it sounds like fun, it's going to be girls only.
Why? Because I don't want to be "that" parent.
You know the one. They "allow boy-girl parties" in the 7th grade, and, their parenting skills are suspect until proven differently, even if they've done nothing wrong.
I admit, I had the same bias when Busy Girl went to that party a few months ago. It turned out just fine, but, I still subconsciously think of it as "too advanced".
Even though we'd be doing the same thing, I feel like it's be different if we had a party, because, well, it'd be us, and, we all know I have mad chaperoning skillz.
But, I can still remember being in grade school, and, upon hearing people actually got to have "boy-girl" parties in 7th grade, it just seemed so scandalous, and, "wild".
So, the party will be girls only, and, that's OK.
I think this is a time where it matters what other people think.
I don't want give anyone the wrong idea, and, risk being thought of "too permissive", or, endorsing things that are "too old" for them, because I know I'll need the parents' trust even more, later.
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Busy Mom,
In your post about you refer to yourself as a "Catholic".
Why? This word is not mentioned in the NT.
Wouln't it be more accurate to be "a believer in Messiah", or in the body of Messiah?
Jeff Barnes
My teens had Movie nights on the weekends. All went well but as tweens they only had boy-girl parties during the day time at put-put, the skating rink, etc. with me right there watching them.
Snow White just had a slumber party this past weekend. I have finally reached recovery point.
I can see your point. Luckily Sister had the same friends (classmates) for all three years - the gifted kids were seperate, so I would just invite the class (boy - girl) no problem.
I had my first boy-girl party to celebrate my 13th birthday. It was in the basement of my house, with music on the record player and lots of snacks, and my parents poking their heads in every five minutes. But it wasn't something that we did regularly at all until much later in High School. You have to do what's right for you and your family!
I think you made the right choice and I can totally see your reasoning my DD is 14 and I am still doing girls' only
I remember being shocked at my friend that allowed her daughter to have boys AND girls over one night for a big 'movie night' party at her house. Our kids were in 8th grade.
Now that BabyGirl is 16 and my son is 14 and we've hosted boy/girl movie nights at our home all year long.
I even allowed (while holding my breath) my 11 year old 5th grader to include 2 boys at her 'party' 2months ago. All fears were for naught.
They weren't 'boys and girls' they were just "KIDS" having a great time watching a movie and then played Guitar Hero on Playstation and then spend 1 1/2 hours playing (of all things) TWISTER!
:)
I think by the time the Busy Preschooler is in 7th grade you won't be debating anymore... you'll be too busy letting him have the parties.
Seems like my first boy girl party was in 7th grade, but it was my birthday party and it was in the garage with music and snacks and parents all standing at the exits...
My first kiss was at somebody ELSE'S boy-girl party.... still seventh grade though.
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Good for you, you have to do what's right for your family.
it's difficult; my eldest son had very few friends who were boys anyway. So the only way he could have a party was to invite mainly girls. I think it's only a problem if you've got children who are determined to behave like 'grown ups'. it's sad, they've got plenty of time ahead of them for 'dating'.
Love your blog!! I added you to my blogroll.
When my tween turned 10 last month I had to explain...in a round about way...why she couldn't have her boy buddies at her sleepover. Luckily she's still at the age when she considers her friends "kids" rather than "boys".
To Busy Mom I say stick to your guns. Kids grow up too fast as it is.
To Jeff Barnes I say "huh?".
Wow, Judi are you suggesting that gifted kids are somehow better, safer, less suspiciously adolescent than "non-gifted" kids...that was quite a comment. Yuck.
In my experience, kids in middle school, gifted or not, are all developing at different speeds. Some are into sexual experimentation, some are still playing with My Little Pony. Since there's no knowing what goes on at someone else's house during a boy-girl party, then I think you're right, Busy Mom, to not allow them at yours and ask other parents to make a leap of faith.
Funny you bring up boy/girl parties.
My 7th grade son wants to have one for his b-day this summer. My first thought is ..... uh no.
I'm hoping I can talk him out of it.
And here I thought I was being a bit over the top but glad to know I'm not the only one that feels this way.
Just an offhanded question -
What will you do next year when they finish up 8th grade & disperse to different schools? It was a tough call for us - but we allowed GB to attend the end of year girl-boy party the kids set-up at a local park (which was chaperoned by parents). Kinda a last hurahh of sorts..
Okay, now you got me worried! My daughter and her best friend have had an annual end-of-school pool party for the last 4 years and they've always included boys and girls because we've invited the whole class. For her 9th birthday party last year, we even took a group of 10 kids (5 boys/5 girls) sailing for the day. For her 10th birthday party this year, she had a big bbq at our house with both boys and girls. I guess I never even thought about it. Most of the parties she goes to are coed, unless they are sleepovers, of course. Oh, the things we get to look forward to next year in *dramatic pause* middle school!!!
I love the comment from meritt about just thinking about them all as "kids".
I agree with you - especially because I see kids just growing up so fast these days. ("Kids these days!?" when did I turn into an adult!?) Much faster than I grew up... they know about "things" that I didn't know about until I was in college! It's scary!
And I bet in a few years your daughter will appreciate that you made her have these all-girl parties back in 7th grade. She'll remember them fondly.
Jane, Pinks & Blues Girls
Busy mom, I think you are making to much about this. As long as it is not an overnight, what harm is there in having boys and girls? I don't remember any parties my children have had, or that I had as a child/tween/teenager, except slumber parties that were not mixed. Plus you will be there right? and you could always extend the invitation to other parents to stay as well, if you are really worried about what they might think.
I think your doing the right thing there...NO co-ed parties till at least sophomore year ;-) Glad I dont have to worry about that stuff yet..lol
Okay, I'll admit I was "that mom" last summer when we allowed our 7th grade son to have "that" party......I guess we're more lax with our 3rd child. Anyway, the worst part was the screaming girls! Girls screaming for no reason, running around the basement and SCREAMING. When they weren't screaming they were shrieking....perhaps this is a built-in deterrent that we didn't know about, only found in young teen-aged girls?
Mommymommy was obviously never with me at 7th grade parties. Hickies, anyone?
I agree with you100%.
I just had a situation where my 12 year old was invited to a slumber party which includes two cousins. Then, I found at that one of the cousins was a girl. I wrote to the mom expressing concern that I did not want my son to be at a co-ed sleepover party and did she have an alternative arrangement for the girl. The mom was very offended, and after informing me that her niece would be sleeping in her own bedroom, she inquired, "Are you joking?". I just blogged all about it.
So frankly, I'm happy to see your post. I know I'm not alone in thinking the kids really don't need these pressures at 12. My son has ZERO interest in girls at the moment, and for that respite I'm grateful. If he wanted to have girls and boys at his party, I'd allow it, but only during the daytime and in full view of myself (i.e. in the yard or on the first floor of our home - - not in some basement playroom). But truthfully, I lean way more in your direction and just wonder WHY it would be necessary at this point in time.