Again, here I am freaking out that we have another thing in common- and have similar views about it.

I hate when people ask me if I've found my "real parents" or if I've wanted to. Duh, the people who raised me are my real parents... they did the hard stuff.

I, too, was the product of teen pregnancy.

Since I became a mother I find myself wondering more about my "bio-mom." It also made me appreciate more what she did for me, by giving me up.

I wonder about siblings because I always wanted a sister. The only time I get sad is when I wonder if my "bio-mom" thinks of me ever... but especially on my birthday.

Thanks for sharing... hope you don't mind me sharing!
Love,
Your fellow adopted cyber-sister

I was also adopted and my answers to the above questions would be very much the same. The most significant effect on my life from being adopted is looking at my kids and knowing that they are the only people I know that I am biologically related to.

I had some moments of curiosity about my bio-mom over the years, but they were fleeting. I know her name ... a good little Irish lassie she is. Bio-dad was a fling while Bio-mom's hubby was away in the military. Ooops.

I grew up just always knowing. There was no drama moment when the Truth was revealed. I had a brother who was also adopted. It was just another facet of our family.

The part about Busy Girl being the first person you ever met who was biologically related to you really got to me.

I know a lot of people who have been adopted and I never thought of that aspect of it.

Beautiful post.

Mike

Really humurous take on the adoption issue. Could sense you are really tired of all those questions. Simply direct all the curious to this post and save yourself a great deal of exasperation. Hahahah! Great post! Enjoyed it.

Seriously though, an uncle who was adopted found out about it in his teens, and he really let lose in typical Rebel-Without-A-Cause style. I have a niece who is adopted. She's two and they haven't told her yet, but will keep your post in mind in case the issue of when to tell crops up.

God bless and happy posting.

Very nice. Lintilla never had the urge to meet her birthmother until after both her parents had died . It could be because our children are NOT biologically related to us, so there was...nobody. I don't know; she can explain things to me but it's hard to have a proper understanding from a bio-kid point of view.

But anyway, yours is a wonderful attitude.

Fabulous outlook!

Wonderful post. I hope that people read this and maybe think twice about asking these same questions to other adopted people. It sounds to me like you were with wonderful parents who loved you very much. Which is as much as anyone can ask for and more than some kids with their biological parents get.

Mr. M. was also adopted - (internationally along with a sibling that is at least 1/2 related; we do know that one half is Korean and the other half is american service member, whether its the same american service person is really not known.)

Ironically only one of my children (Gameboy) looks like me and they're both my biological children. The Princess looks nothing like me and people used to ask me where we adopted her from.

As a fellow adoptee, the other thing I like to tell people is that it's entirely possible my parents have never had sex, so that's what I'm choosing to believe.

My wife was adopted. She looks nothing like her family (she's half black and her parents are decidedly caucasian). It was a special joy for me to see how much she loves seeing herself in our daughter. I'll never forget the wonder in her voice when she made the connection that her daughter looked like her.

I don't comment enough on your site, but I love reading your posts. Just wanted to tell you that this one especially made me laugh, think, and laugh again. You are a fabulous writer, BM (ew... did I just say "BM?"). Truly one of the most gifted that I read. Just thanks for letting us peek in on your life and thoughts.

Beautiful post. I gotta admit, I told a lady that her daughter looked just like her, and when she told me Daughter was adopted, I blurted out, "Wow- even cooler!"

I read with great appreciation what you had to say about adoption. As someone who was adopted, I have heard all the questions. Infact, people that knew I was adopted and my brother was not would still comment that I looked more like my parents than he did. I would always say "no, he's real and I'm not". To this day noone knows where that came from. As I get older (44 is right around the corner), I do occasionally wish I knew more about my medical history, but I think you sumed it up well with "it is what it is". But then again, maybe I would lead a healthier lifestyle if I knew more.

As the mother of an adopted child, I can definitely relate. We have a semi-open adoption (letters both ways, and birthmom sends gifts at Christmas, but no physical contact), so it's a little different. But it sounds like you never spouted our child's line when put out: "Why did you even bother to adopt me if you just wanted to make my life miserable?" The kid might just as well tear my heart out.

This totally rocks!

I'll come back and say more when I get some time. My daughter (adopted) won't leave me alone to use the computer. She gets that from my wife.

As parents with two adopted boys, we get questions similar to this all the time. The "real parents" one burns us every time it is asked, but we have become, as our adoption agency suggested we would, Adoption Evangelists. Correcting those misguided questions as they occur.

Because we went through open adoptions, we have ensured that both boys know their adopted, though it doesn't really make sense to them until they're about 3-4 years old. Knowing friends who were adopted in the old, closed system, it's certainly easier when it comes to seeing if you have biological siblings out there.

It does happen that, in our case, both boys look like their mom. In the first instance, that was just luck, while the second is an adoption within the biological family.

Great post. I didn't know you were adopted before today, so thanks for answering all of my questions before I had time to think them up!

Alright, your answers are so similar to mine that it is quite scary, right down to the teenage parents in High School, and not being placed until 10 Weeks The slight differences is that I wasn't placed until 10 weeks, but it was because of a subway strike in NYC, and the foster mother could not get me back to the adoption agency.

I never understood why people whisper the word "adoption"

The only thing I disagree with would be that if there was a "family history" to worry about that it would have been disclosed at adoption time. If you had a birth defect, it may have been disclosed, but as for "family history" I'm not so sure that they concerned themselves so much with those things then.

I was adopted by my dad....and I have so many people tell me how much i look like my dad. LOL. I never correct them. I say "yeah, I guess I do look like him". It sounds like you have a very good "grasp" on being adopted. I'm glad.

Okay, I have an awesome stepdad who more than makes up for my absentee father. Despite that, I'll always have a tiny hole in my heart because my biological dad doesn't care enough about me to be a real part of my life. I've always wondered if adopted adults feel the same way about their birth parents, even if their adoptive parents are wonderful.

I'm back!!!

I get the whispered "do they, uh, know they are adopted?"

You mean after they testified in court that they wanted to stay with us? Or the fact that we have kids of different colors (and about all they have in common with us is eye color)

I love your answers, and your positions on this. You have to take it a little lightly, though sometimes it gets old.

And for the record (it's on the internet, I blab everything) we tried and failed to have our "own" children, but we do not feel like we have some kind of consolation prize. I love my kids with all my heart, and said so right before the commercial break during our special one hour season finale.

This is what I have for you:

Do you prefer the first Darrin or the second one?

The reason I was wondering is very weird....you'd make a great sister to add to the 3 I've already got and the timing and possible location could have worked! Told ya it was weird!

I think you are funny and grounded in this situation which, I am sure made it easier as you grew up..... I made the mistake of telling a friend of mine that her newborn son looked exactly like her husband's dad (the baby's grandfather) and she said "that's funny because Clint (my friends husband) is adopted.... I told her I didn't care- that the baby still looked like a skinny bald man! she laughed and didn't mind my foot in my mouth! Anyways, kudos to you for being so centered and having such great parents.

OMG!!! THIS is my life. I, too, was adopted as an infant. I, too, am fourtysomething. And I too was raised as an only child.

I did search and find - both b-parents. Truely weird.

Hey wiataminute...perhaps we were separated at birth?? Hmmm??

:)

OK. So now, you're not only my hero but my adopted hero as well...can you take the pressure? *grin*
(Great post BTW)

Fellow adoptee too. Your answers are very similar to my own. Always knew. My Mom is my real mom, etc.

I do think I have noticed some ways my adoption has affected me as I've gotten older, but the issues aren't any more severe than folks I know who grew up with their biological parents.

In advance of having my first I was excited to finally look like someone. Of course, wouldn't you know I gave birth to a clone of my husband. Supposedly, number two resembles me. I don't see it, but whatev.

Thanks for putting our words out there.

You may or may not know that I'm adopted though my circumstances are a bit different than yours.

Thanks for this peek into your private life. I can't believe people can be so...foot-in-mouthy sometimes.

Your story is exactly the same as mine: adopted, only child except the doctor who delivered me, my uncle, knew my parents were looking to adopt so... I was born & went home the next day with my mom & dad... the only thing I ever really wanted to know was what it felt like to be really realted, by blood, to someone and now that I have my daughter I know that it doesn't feel any different. Great post..

I've gotten all these same questions asked to me about my son. It never ceases to amaze me the kind of personal crap that people think is ok to ask about when it comes to adoption. The only thing that really bothers me though is when people ask about my son's "natural" parents. Ooohhh, that aggravates me.

Anyway, awesome post!

Probably the most poignant moment of my daughter's birth was my (adopted) husband looking down at her, eyes full of tears, and finally choking out the words, "Hi. You're the first person I've ever met who looks like ME."

It really takes the sting out of the fact that she DOES look like he cloned her somehow, without my involvement!

Hey! I'm adopted too. Only I stumbled onto my biological family on the adoption.com registry six months ago. It's been the weirdest ride of my life so far. My whole world has been turned upside down but I think it's a good thing.
One thing about reunion that surprised me,is that reunion has actually solidified the good relationships I've had with my adoptive family. I was worried about that but it didn't happen. The people who love me are the people who love me. Now I just have a few more.
Anyway, I liked your post.

I think I am living your life as our paths are so similar - yes I was adopted as well my parents took me home when I was 3 days old (both my brothers are adopted as well) and my experience has been much like yours and your answers are my answers. The big question that is always asked of me is the finding of the real parents and my response is I don't have to look for my real parents, I know where they live.

As far as health, I had a few "female" issues when I was in my early 20's and my Mom actually talked to the social worker who handled my adoption and I have a nice letter with the circumstances of the adoption as well as a limited health history but really I have no desire to find my birth parents and if it ever happened I would thank them for giving me to 2 people who love me beyond anything I could ever imagine.

This a great post!! We adopted our daughter at birth and she's not quite two now, so she hasn't come up with clever answers to the questions we sometimes get. I think I'll direct her here when she learns how to read!

Outstanding answers! I hope I can help PunditGirl with her answers to those questions as she grows, and also with her attitude (love yours!) on being adopted.

I linked to this article from CBB. My husband and I intend to adopt our children and are always on the lookout for the opinions of adult adoptees. As a joke, my husband says that when someone says something about our children being adopted (we intend to adopt from Haiti and we're Caucasian so it will be a little bit obvious) he plans on saying "What?! They're adopted?! Kait lied to me!" or "Shhhh! We're not going to tell him that he's adopted..."
I know it's probably awful to make a joke of it, but the questions can get so ridiculous. The status of your reproductive abilities become open for everyones opinion and a lot of people spew ignorant comments without even thinking about it. Thank you for writing this article!

This was great. I have 6 children, two were adopted .they are little right now but I plan to keep this to share.
Thanks!