I've been really restless, lately.

Can't concentrate on a thing, not sure why, really.

Part of it is that I have a kid at camp for his first time, and, while he finally wrote, and, said he's having fun, I'm just uneasy without all my children in the house at night.

It's finally occurred to me that sending kids to camp is just as much for me as it is for them.

At some point, I've got to be able to relax when they're out and about doing their own thing, even when it's for days at a time.

Busy Girl is really only 5 years away from college, I'm going to have a long life if I don't learn it soon.

Actually, she's been spending the night out so much this summer, she may already be in college, and, I forgot.

I am, after all, over 40.

But, I can also attribute my odd mental state to the fact that it was was one year ago today that my mother told us she "had to go".

Refresher: my mother died last summer after a 3 year battle with lung cancer.

Though it would ultimately be the wee hours of July 20th when she died, the events of July 19th are with me forever.

I guess I've never really told y'all the whole story of that day.

If I do get around to writing the whole thing, I guess it will be over at GenBetween since that's mostly where I write about being in the middle of aging parents, and, children.

But, the Reader's Digest version of it is that my mother planned her death, down to the day and time for us so that we would have a warning.

Also? She knew there were no conflicts with the date as she had lived until their 50th wedding anniversary, Busy Boy's birthday, and, our anniversary had passed, and, it gave my dad plenty of time to get ready to go back to school (he's a teacher).

Thoughtfulness mixed with a few control issues, methinks.

Anyway, much to her chagrin (those who were there can attest that she was actually kind of pissed off, it was oddly amusing at times), it ended up taking longer than she thought it would (she was conscious through a lot of the day, and, into the night),but, it did give everyone time to get there.

I'm not distraught, or, anything, I don't know any other way to describe it other than restless.

It seems like a lifetime ago, just yesterday, and, a year ago all at once.

My dad has certainly had more than his share since then, with his back surgery, his step-mother's death, and, his brother's death, but, things are better, now.

I have no idea if we'll do anything special tomorrow, I'll leave that up to him.

But, as I told someone earlier, I'm not ignoring it, but, I think I'll be glad to have this last "first" behind me.

Seriously need to get my head back in the game.

The big "amen" you just heard was probably the people who pay me to do stuff, like, you know, work.