It was the Jimmy Buffet concert wasn't it? Back when he released One Particular Harbor. Dancing on the lawn (only way we could get cheap seats) and doing the Fin...screaming out to Cheeseburger in Paradise, slow dancing to Come Monday...o, it was a good time we never had.

Remember that humid summer night when you were a senior at that exclusive Catholic prep school and I was just a sophomore at the exclusive all boys school down the road and we talked about what fabulously witty and wealthy babies we would have it you would just let me have your plaid skirt for my pelt wall in my love nest in the basement of my parents house where the subterranean funk of an underpowered sump pump allowed the fetid basement musk to surround our swirling heads as we sat side by side on my kidney-shaped, soft-railed lukewarm waterbed and I offered my manhood and begged for your womanhood until you finally broke down and told me that you really only liked me for my car?

Naah, me neither.

Remember that time when we were kids and you dared me to eat a bug. And I did. And then you were all, "Oooooh." and I was like, "It tastes like chicken!"

And I was so convincing that it tasted like chicken that you decided to eat one too.

Only it didn't taste like chicken.

Sorry about that.

Remember that time when we took that train to that place to see that guy where he gave us that thing that we sold to you-know-who and made all that money? We had so much, you know, fun! Can I have my 1/2 of the money now? I've been waiting all this time.

Do you REALLY want me to tell the Blogosphere what we did that one time when we decided to let it all hang out and ust. . ..

Think, now: Do you want everybody to know about us?

ZOMG! Do you remember that time we were club hopping and we went into the gay bar only... yanno... not ON PURPOSE... and we went into the ladies room and that chick with the YOOGE adam's apple was singing in a REALLY low BASS voice??? ... whut? You dun REMEMBER? Hmmph!

soooooo I just had to ask how did things go after I left you at that truck stop that night?

I caught a glimpse of you chatting with what was his name? Oh yeah, I think his work shirt said, Jethro but I couldn't see all of the letters due to the tobacco dribblings and the country fried steak stains hiding some of the letters.

Last glimpse that i had of the two of you was him staring into your eyes seemingly enthralled that you had all of your teeth and mentioning something about good breeding stock.

I guess I skeedaddled when you two started swapping "roadkill" recipes and coming up with baby names.

It's amazing what alcohol can do to a memory, but I had fun................

'Member that time in the Amazon when our light plane went down and we found that tribe that had never seen white people and they fed us some mystery meat and we were hysterical laughing at how we hoped it wasn't a fellow traveler? God that was funny.

Remember how we trained to run the Country Music Marathon, but then decided that the band at the first stage was so cool that we just hung with them all day instead and they even let us sing backup on a couple of songs? Much for fun than all that running!

Do you remember the time we told our parents we'd spend the night at each other's house and planned to spend the whole night hanging out in the Wal Mart parking lot, only my mom decided to go shopping that night at Wal Mart (which should be a sin in itself) and caught us because you and I were standing on the hood of your mom's Impala, defending ourselves against an onslaught of water balloons that some random person had brought out to the parking lot? Remember?

Remember that time when we were smoking something I won't name on your sorority floor through Bounce dryer sheets, and you blamed me for bringing it when it was really....YOU! Not that I'm harboring any resentment or anything ... really, I'm not upset that you suggested that I go in front of your sorority council to clear your name...

Remember that time we were at Studio 54, and you were wearing my new gold top and Elton John was all, "Girl, give me that top!" and you were all, "No way" and the two of you had a catfight resulting in him spilling a bottle of Chateau Lafitte Rothschild all over my new top? And how Diana Ross felt sorry for you and gave you her Pucci poncho to cover up and you swore you'd never speak to that biz-atch Elton John EVER AGAIN? Those were some cra-zee times, girl.

My favorite memory we never had was when we went to Target and that guy kept following us around with that inventory thing and GAH! the incessant beeping! And I laughed so hard when you went over and got a brand new Farberware skillet and thwacked him upside the head.

Good times.

Remember that time when we aduitioned as a duo on American Idol together and we made Simon Cowell cry?

If only I could scrub my memory clean of that night we killed the hobo...

Ok, not so much "killed" as seriously wounded....well, he was bleeding a lot anyway.... ok, so it was ketchup, but still. It could have been blood. And, yes, I realize he wasn't so much a hobo as a police officer, but he did have a scruffy look about him...

If only I could scrub my memory clean of that night we spilled ketchup on that cop...

Dude. You *have* to remember the time we went to see Air Supply at the Carowinds Palladium? First we made ourselves sick riding Thunder Road 17 times, then we ate all those hot dogs. Then we took pictures of ourselves wearing Daniel Boone coonskin caps and holding pistols. Remember? Then the concert started and they opened with "I'm All Out of Love" and we did our dance routine thing we made up to go with that song and we we were fuh-reaking out that they OPENED WITH IT! Then it started raining and our seats were in the uncovered section of the amphitheater, but they kept playing so we stayed and got totally soaked. Oh man. That it still one of my favorite stories about you. BFF. For. Evah.

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You HAVE to remember that camping trip we took to Rocky Mountains National Park in April? I mean, the trip there was exciting, putting up the tent in the dead of night with only a propane lantern was fun, but when we woke up the next moring with the tent touching our noses and we couldn't move? That was so freaking bizarre. Thank goodness I brought both of my dogs or we would have frozen to death. When we unzipped the tent and saw that it had snowed about 3 feet and we were totally snowed in, it kinda sucked. But we had enough fuel to boil the snow and drink tea, and enough gorp for a couple of days of food, so we were really ok except for the bathroom issue.

Your sister called Rocky Mountain Rescue and the found us and we were so bummed. Being helicopetered out of the mountains was freaky, but being on the news? Totally freaky to the max.

Good times!

Ok, I did work at Disney World. Don't you remember that beeyootiful red and white polyester "costume" I wore while working in Tomorrowland? And the hot custodian I dated?

good times.

Well, um, before I go any further, what have YOU been telling about that time at Band Camp?

I've been keeping MY part of the bargain, and the photos aren't anywhere on the internet; at least, not anyplace you'd be likely to find them.

I still can't believe we weren't caught.

Good times, good times...

I remember it like yesterday..because even while we were cousins, we weren't that close, but I got a call from a jail in Mexico saying you needed bailed out. I was so grateful I still had that $2.50 in my pocket.

And we have been sharing margarita's every since.

Shall I tell everyone about the time during a sleepover you started talking in your sleep about your love for a particular guy in our class - a guy who was considered a bit odd? You don't remember?! C'mon - it became legend at our school!

Oh, come on you crazy girl! You have to remember the time we met in Columbia for the USC-Vandy game. After a particularly wild night in Five Points, we ended up meeting up with Hootie and the Blowfish. I laughed so hard when you couldn't understand that their names really were not "Hootie" and "Blowfish"! They took us to the Waffle House and after the ruckus we caused they started calling YOU "Scattered, smothered, and covered", I am pretty certain their album by that name is in honor of you that night. Anyway, I didn't think we would recover in time for the game, but we did. You really thought Vandy would win, but of course the Gamecocks stomped them.

like you don't already have enough to do other than to read fictitious stories about yourself???
bwahahaha!

I remember we went to the French Quarter and got matching shirts that say "Horney" and "Corney" and then went to Valencia!

or did we???? You be the judge!

Remember that time we ran into each other in the Target parking lot? I casually mentioned that I had seen all the summer dishware on clearance for 70% off, and you proceeded to run over my foot with your shopping cart rushing into the store. By the time I hobbled into the store, you had filled two shopping carts full. You shot me daggers as I reached for the last lemonade pitcher on the top shelf. Fearing for my life, I retreated and slunk off defeated.

But revenge was mine-you never noticed that all the tote bags were marked down to $1.99 each. I bought every last one. So there, bitch!

Hey, remember that time I hid a wheel of stinky cheese in your bathroom, and then you put it in my bag, and then I put it in your bag during a BlogHer session and everyone thought you had horrible gas, and then, and then...?

Do you remember the time we were out shopping and you HAD to get a Diet Coke at McDonald's because you were dying of thirst, and then you didn't have enough money to buy your weekly lotto tickets, so I lent you the money to buy them and then you won? And you promised me a cut of the cash?

Yeah. Still waiting here! ;)

Hey I really like your blog, I am out today trying to expand the
Parent community that is growing on Criteo. Would you like
to try Criteo AutoRoll? I think it will be beneficial to showing you
other parent blogs where you can develop relationships.
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Oh man! Remember our junior year in high school and for initiation, the senior girls came and woke us up at 6:00 in the morning and dragged us blindfolded, with at least 50 other juniors, to the Mall and then they humiliated us by making us do STUPID STUPID things -- like smashing a raw egg on top of our head, and then making us take tampons and make them into earrings and hang them from our ear lobes, then take that dayum tube of lipstick they thrust at us and put lipstick all over our face...and then made us get on our hands and knees with the egg goo on our heads, the lipstick all over our face and the tampon earrings and crawl through the Mall barking like a dog and neighing like a horse?

And then remember when they took us to one of the cemetaries and made us "hunt for snipe" by beating on pots with a wooden spoon? And then we found out there is no such thing as "snipe" and we were SOOOOO mad?

And, remember how we vowed revenge on all of those senior girls and started plotting as soon as we were all on our way home?

What? You really don't? WoW! I remember that like it happened 5 mins. ago!

Good times!!

Remember the time we went to that Megadeth concert and I broke my nose in the mosh pit?

Your stage dive was awesome! I think it made your kids really appreciate their mom. Thank God Busy Boy was there to catch you.

Omg, remember that time we checked out the parent community that is growing on Criteo? They asked us so innocently, "Would you like to try Criteo AutoRoll?" And we totally said yes because we thought it was some kind of NASCAR Sushi thing? I thought it would be beneficial to showing us other parent blogs where we could develop relationships, but instead it was a freakin swinger community! Virtual key parties dude! And now, I can totally make you shoot lemonade out your nose anytime I want by just saying "Cwiteo Auto Woll?"

Removing my bra through a shirt sleeve
Why is it that most women in life have done this at some point or other? There always seems to be a brilliant reason at the time but later when you think about it, why would it every be necessary? The last time I did this it was because I had a house full of friends and we had just been shopping. I was trying on a top that needed a strapless bra. The company was mixed so I wriggled and wiggled the bra out through the sleeve. Why I didn’t disappear and use the bathroom or bedroom i don’t know! Wine, chat, not wanting to go away from the group….who knows. It’s wierd but every woman has done this at least once and also taken knickers off by only removing one jean leg and slipping them down and through this…now that is even stranger…why would we do that?? But most of us have!

This entry was posted on Saturday, September 15th, 2007 at 5:51 pm and is filed

Remember that one time? In Chicago? At that fancy-schmancy hotel? When we were laying on some strangers bed talking about nothing and drinking cheap vodka and eating cheeseburgers?
OH WAIT!!! That really happened...

Okay...well then remember that one time when we were on the beach with trashy novels and pina coladas and NO KIDS? *sigh*