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Charlie's Soap


Friday, September 14
25 Skills Every Woman Should Know

The Interwebs is ablaze with commentary on 25 Skills Every Man Should Know.

While I am, apparently at least somewhat a man, I really think the important list is 25 Skills Every Woman Should Know

How to:

1. Take off a bra through a shirt sleeve
2. Select the right color foundation
3. Choose the proper people to accompany you to the bathroom at the bar
4. Change purses with the seasons
5. Describe the difference between the colors "off white", "bone", and "cream"
6. Call someone to change a tire
7. Mix patterns on furniture and clothing
8. Select a trashy novel for reading at the beach
9. Keep kids busy in order to go to the bathroom alone
10. Tell the difference between real Coach purses, and, knock-offs

11. Prepare an elegant appetizer from random pantry supplies for unannounced company
12. Drive someplace unfamiliar at night in the rain
13. Respond to a child's midnight announcement of, "I have to bring 75 brownies to school tomorrow."
14. Find the nearest outlet mall
15. Discuss the differences between capris and cropped pants
17. Filch the phone number of a good babysitter from the neighbor
18. Get makeup off a cell phone screen
19. Extract the good candy from the Halloween bags without the kids noticing
20. Make him think it's his idea
21. Actually download pictures from the digital camera
22. Create 3 or more plausible reasons to "stop by Target"
23. Make store bought bake sale goodies look home made
24. Drive in the snow
25. Surprise a child by going to Sonic for a "treat" without him knowing it's because you need a Diet Coke

OK, maybe not as pertinent as the original list, but still, a sampling of some mad skillz for wimmens, no?

6:51 AM | Comments (46) |

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I'd like to add:
26. Make your mother-in-law feel welcomed without letting everyone know you've doubled up on your meds.
27. Teach your children how to play by themselves so you can get a little blog searching completed.
28. Convince a toddler that going to the grocery store is a special treat.

LMAO! Those are too true!

And you forgot: Being able to do all 25 at the same time with screaming kids in the background!

29. Sneak vegetables in everything possible...

Posted by: Jamie | September 14, 2007 7:56 AM

At least number 1 is at the right priority.

30. Know where every item belonging to every member of the family is at any given time so you can always answer the "Mum, have you seen my......?" question

And one mustn't forget that all should be done simultaneously (sp?) with a smile! Have a lovely weekend.

Knowing how to make that "special" kind of diet coke without it being too obvious or getting yourself into that "special" kind of trouble after a horrendous day.

I feel kinda smug when I have a special diet coke at the dinner table and nobody is the wiser.....

Is #1 really a required skill? Sorry, but all I could think of when I read that was Jennifer Beals in Flashdance. I thought that was the only time it was ever done or needed to be done.

Posted by: khix | September 14, 2007 8:47 AM

A very good list of skills indeed!!! I'm pretty sure I can do all of those...

Don't forget about verdigris, chartruese and celery.

30. master the ability to clean house, cook dinner, do laundry, and drive carpool all at the same time! : )

You're good.

I love #20. It works in so many ways.. and I have to admit I can not seem to master #9. No matter what I do someone always comes to the door and tries to open it, or the phone rings. It never fails and is my biggest pet peeve!

Damn. I don't change purses with the season, but the one I use pretty much all the time is Coach. Maybe that gets me a pass?

I'd add:
Convince people that preschool is a good idea for the CHILDREN -- think of the children! -- when really it's just cheaper than therapy for you.

I'm not too good at 11 or 12, and since our school district doesn't allow homemade treats for allergy reasons, I'm off the hook for 23. I only pass #13 because it doesn't say HOW you respond. I certainly do respond.

So, is 21 out of 25 passing?

Number 1 is never anything short of way cool.

Keep kids busy in order to go to the bathroom alone... I have to work on that one cos i have not pooped by myself since my twins started walking...

I loved this! I did number 11 and 18 at lunch just today! Wimmens ROCK!

#26 is the best! LOL

Haha, great list!

Thank goodness for pre-made goodies at the local Publix for the last minute "Mom, I gotta bring..." to school! Been there, done that. Great List!

Posted by: Gia | September 14, 2007 1:28 PM

Not only can I do #1, but I can do it while driving down a major highway - I can actually do a full change from bathing suit to real clothes while was a way of life for me in college when I was managing a water slide in the summer and trying to have a social life in the evenings!

Let's see -- I'm in trouble on #1, but get me in the snow and I can drive, baby!

I am rolling here! Personally, I am so amazed at any woman's ability to accomplish item 'one' that I believe it should be a sanctioned Olympic event! (Close your can almost here the play-by-play!)

Thank you for teaching me something (re: Sonic.)


p.s. All women should know what the color taupe is.

We used to have stock in Coach; I never even knew what they sold...

I am an expert at secret bra removal.

I am, indeed a candy thief and a soda sneaker.

I can drive in the snow with both eyes shut.

If my kids demand brownies for school I know it's a trick because I am their teacher! (and we make them anyway!)

Oh my. I appear to be failing miserably at being a woman. Wait, except #19 I have that whole Halloween candy thing down to a science.

I am excellent at #1 and have been since I was a teenager. I think many sleepovers and cheerleading trips lead to the expertise. You know a teenager would NEVER undress in front of someone else.

This list is much more valid than the men's list.

#14 - my kids drive me there now
#17 - now my kids ARE the babysitters
#19 - The kids lock their bags... with a combination lock!

The rest, I am good on :P

Great list!

19. Extract the good candy from the Halloween bags without the kids noticing.

This should be on the Dad's list.

There's nothing like an underwire bra to drive you mad when you work nights, it's 2 AM, 5 hours to go and you' ve been up for 18 hours. But instead of just taking it off, although I am sure my male patients would have loved that, I cut the underwire out, with suture scissors, of course.

Posted by: mechelle | September 14, 2007 11:41 PM

Please add: Convince children that medicine is not nasty and shots do not hurt.
Convince husband that runny nose and sniffles is not equivelant to death from the plague

AMEN to that!

This is awesome!! Haha!

Number 1 seems to have won.

Can you believe that someone actually threatened to leave my blog and switch to yours!?!

Darned succint writers and readers!

(Grumble, grumble...etc.)

This is a great list!! I am apparently lacking in these important skills.

4. Change purses with the seasons
5. Describe the difference between the colors "off white", "bone", and "cream"
10. Tell the difference between real Coach purses, and, knock-offs
15. Discuss the differences between capris and cropped pants (I have never thought of this but I assume capris are shorter than cropped pants?)

I love number 22! I um, need to buy more socks for the children... hehe

Surely woman are different from man. You have listed some of what differentiation we have that was borned with. Mum's instinct is one. Multitasking is another. Man are monotasking only.


Yes. I'm an old hand at pilfering the good candy out of the Halloween bags. They don't want the good stuff anyway. They just want the junk...

That's a great list. Involves quite a bit of fakery, though.

OH my. I'm still working on some of these myself!

Wonderful list- I cannot do #10, but I just ask my sister.

Posted by: demondoll | September 16, 2007 11:32 PM

A woman wouldnt need to learn half those things if she knew how to give a killer BJ.

Posted by: Bonni | September 18, 2007 2:55 PM

20. Make him think it's his idea

Especially when it comes to getting things done around the house!

This is the most IGNANT list I've eva read!!!!!!!!!!...not to mention SEXIST!!!! Are women really this stupid?? It seems like a man who wanted to degrade women made this list.

Posted by: Kira | December 5, 2007 5:31 PM