I've only been the parent of a teen for a few weeks now, so, I acknowledge that I have a lot to learn.
With apologies to, um, God, let me share with you what I have gathered thus far:
1. Thou shalt not make any small talk with random strangers in line at the grocery, for this shall affect the teen's reputation in a negative way.
2. Remember thou art for transportation and money purposes only. Any other attempts at relevancy shall affect the teen's reputation in a negative way.
3. Thou shalt not attempt to engage guest teens riding in thou's vehicle in either verbal or eye contact, yet, thou shall neither be totally quiet in said vehicle, either, for thou shall be deemed "weird", and, this shall affect the teen's reputation in a negative way.
4. Thou shalt not covet thine own small electronics, for they are no longer really thou's, and, any attempt to retrieve them from teen shall affect the teen's reputation in a negative way.
5. Even though thou knows better, thou shalt try thou's hardest to refrain from emitting the words. "Fella, ella, ella, ella, eh, eh, eh", when female teen is talking about boys for this shall affect the teen's reputation in a negative way.
6. Thou shalt not make any reference in public that thou has driven the teen to an event lest anyone find out that the 13 year old didn't drive herself to said event for this shall affect the teen's reputation in a negative way.
7. Thou shalt not play music of any kind that can be heard outside the car if thou is engaging in any activity such as a picnic near the car for this shall affect the teen's reputation in a negative way.
8. Thou shalt not perform any cheerleading moves in public despite their effectiveness for getting said teen to do what you ask for this actually might affect the teen's reputation in a negative way.
9. Though shalt not converse with or otherwise acknowledge a teacher outside of school business, even when said teacher is an actual friend for this shall affect the teen's reputation in a negative way.
10. Thou seriously shalt not ask, "Where are they going?" when teen says two people are "going out" for this is not nearly as amusing to the teen and this shall affect the teen's reputation in a negative way.
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Oh man. I can't wait for the teenage years.
I am SO gonna affect my teen's reputation in a negative way.
It gets better. My sixteen year old is nearly human and civil most of the time. We even share a laugh or a hug occasionally. She is almost human again.
I am sooo with you. Things just keep getting more and more interesting for this mother of a 14 year old girl. All of your commandments are spot on, and I have been accused of them all. I LOVE it. I break the last commandemtn daily, sometimes more than once a day. It still cracks me up tht kids who can't drive "go out". hee hee
If I weren't so full of food, I'd take the trouble to roll on the floor laughing having read this.
I am so going to be breaking them all.. Someday. Especially the cheerleading moves one! I needed the laugh today! Thanks.
Sad but true! And very funny to boot. Were we like this when we were teenagers? Don't ask my mom!
You may benefit from opmom.com where you can connect with other moms of teens.
Yes, we are definitely an embarrassment. I have broken most of those commandments. Oops.
God forbid the hurt reputation.
I guess my child is going to have a very negative reputation. I never did very well with commandments. :P
oh dear, it only gets better. fyi-don't chaperone any trips, dances ect.
Thank you for the smile.
*sigh*
As someone who became a mom closer to 40 than 20, I only hope I live long enough for my kids to realize I never was toxic and apologize to me for pretending I didn't exist when other people were in the vicinity (and by "vicinity" I mean "Western Hemisphere.")
I laughed out loud at the very first one. My sons (age 22 now) HATED me talking to people in line at the grocery store - even the cashier! All the others ring so true as well.
But the music one... not so much. They knew back then that my taste in music was so much better than theirs, even if they didn't want to admit it. It helped that they couldn't touch me in Rock 'n Roll Jeopardy. :)
I was lucky my first time with a teen - boys aren't quite so rough on their mothers. But we just entered the teen zone with my stepdaughter - and yeah, I can see all this coming. Thanks!
Much appreciated... Will file it away for future reference :)
Impressive. You seem to be catching on much quicker than most.
I really miss those days of being considered the plague. Hmm, wait....no I don't.
LoL....you forgot dancing in the car or making any movement what so ever.
Too funny! I guess I will enjoy the fact that Princess doesn't know I have any effect on her reputation yet! LOL
You nailed it! They're universal rules, too.
How did you fit those on a stone tablet, by the way?
Maybe that's why I loved going back to (boarding) school after home leave. My mom continually broke the rules.
Here's another:
Thou shalt ABSOLUTLY not be anywhere near the phone when teen is on the phone. Thou shall not attempt to listen in, interrupt, distract or make any noise while said teen is engaged in phone conversation. To do so is to risk the teen's anger and will affect the teen's reputation in a negative way.
LOL as the parent of 2 teens ages 19 and 16 I found this to be very funny and true :)
Ha! All true! I'm the unfortunate mom of an 18-year-old, 17 and 16 year old, all girls. The middle is co-captain of the varsity cheer squad, and on football nights, one of the cheers they do is someone from the stands yells "Hey cheerleader" they yell back "Hey what" us: "We'd like to see you get down" them: "No way" us: "We'd like to see you get down" them: "OK" then they do a little dance. Then they reciprocate and yell "Hey fans" etc. When it comes time for us to dance, I can see my daughter look at me, shake her head no, along with the girl behind her, who's mom I am sitting with, and we stand up, and totally make @sses of ourselves, booty bumping and jumping around. It humiliates them every time. Ha! But her reputation is none the worse for wear. But it sure is fun. I'm printing these out for them to read. Thanks for the early morning laugh!
Oh this is hysterical. I love this list. I am so going to break all of these when my girls are teens. But my rule breaking will not compare to what they are in store for with my husband. He is sure to ruin their lives FOREVER.
This is hilarious.
Even funnier is that I can totally relate to your daughter's point of view. I'm almost 35 and still feel this way about my parents!
Uhhh...Florinda? I'd say you got lucky with your boy child. Boys can be awful to their moms. Take it from one who knows.
I just LOVE this list. I remember being mortified of my mother, and I am well on my way, DESTROYING my girl's reputation FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks for the smiles, my husband is going to love this one. He lives to embarrass her. Complete with tracking down the boy she liked at a church mixer and introducing himself, gripping his hand just a little too hard, and looking like someone quite capable of murder. Teens are FUN!!
10 commandments? I gave my parents about 50 to follow when I was a little one myself. At least I wrote it down for them :p
Ah...and you forgot the one about dancing and singing loudly to oldies in the cereal aisle at the grocery store...
Oh I just love this post! AS a mom of a teen myself, I can so relate!
Number 8 - you didn't?! - I'm embarrassed.
Thou shalt not acknowledge any float, community service or band in a parade unless it contains at least one of teenagers friends as it will affect teenagers reputation in a negative way.
I read this list to my 14 year old daughter and was assured its very accurate! LOL
~Heidi
I am printing this off and hanging it on my fridge. I will need to remember this next year.
Oh wow, my cheeks hurt from laughing. First time here, will be back for more. Pls keep it up :)
The best part of being the driver is that most teens don't realize that moms have ears. You'll hear the *darndest* things...which kid is beginning to drink or experiment with other things, which kids are not virgins, etc. (My kid goes to public school-it's amazing the things that kids are doing younger and younger now!!)
I might add"Thou shalt not know the lyrics to any song the teen and friends might be singing, even if it's a song from your own past." I joined in to a Billy Joel song that her friend was singing, only to be greeted by silence. The long pause was broken by "Um, Petite, your MOM knows the words."
Seeing as how I am already very able to embarrass my 5 1/2 yr old son.... I'm quite sure that I will affect his reputation in a negative way in 7 1/2 years.
When I dance, he says "MOM, please STOP!"
HA HA HA. Good laughs. :)
>>I am printing this off and hanging it on my fridge. I will need to remember this next year.
You understand this will be a by-law to the constitution by then?
Birth Control rules too
Hiiiilarious, I stumbled across your site by accident; but then again there are really no accidents. You made me laugh. Already been through one teen; he is now grown and now raising two others; all boys. Also one should never ever talk to a JANITOR that worked at school mom teaches at PLEASE; what was I thinking. When I am feeling blue and no one is around I shall enjoy your humor.
Pure Biblical brilliance, dear BusyM.
May I suggest the following addenda to the big stone tablet?
Thou shalt not screw up the names and genres of the teen's favorite musical artists. It is not "Snoopy Dog", but "Snoop Dogg". It is not "trash metal", but "thrash metal".
Thou shalt throw gang signs like this:
http://tinyurl.com/2889ug
Thou shalt not take thy teen seriously or personally, for they are insane according to scientists and MRI scans - http://tinyurl.com/hb85z
Now these are bringing back MY teenage memories!
Good to know I'm not alone in this. I'm new to this whole teen thing. My daughter turned 13 in July, and shortly thereafter I became a "loser" because whatever I say is either embarassing, annoying or just plain "stupid". It just feels like it happened overnight. I miss the hugs and stuff, although they do happen once in a great while. It's a real challenge.
Excellent List! There is however, a hidden 11th commandment, I've learned this evening - Thou shalt not attempt to remove thine only telephone from teens ear, even in cases of household emergency AND/OR fear of permanent embeddedness, as this action may cause teen to temporarily go insane, which will result in damage to teens reputation.
Great list of commandments. Here's another: Thou shall not creep or attempt to look at your teenagers "my space", as this may cause teen to be accused by peers of being a loser for allowing a parent to invade their privacy, which will result in damaging the teen's reputation.
My wife has an 18 year old little sister who is FINALLY acting like a human being. We were certain that she had lost her mind once she hit 12! There is nothing more difficult to understand than teenaged girls.......