My dad used to so BUST me for sending morse code under the dinner table.

Assuming all you already know, you know that Sister is 14 almost 15. We go through some of the same issues regarding the phone. But, I felt like unlimited texting was just giving license to use at will. So, Sister doesn't have an unlimited account. She has a set limit and must learn to use them within the boundaries. The overage... I hear you saying. She has to pay for the overage, actually she has to pay or her whole medianet. How, save her alotted money? Earn money by extra chores? etc.

Unlimited texting is the culprit! My son learned the hard way on his 8th grade trip to D.C. Purposefully we don't have unlimited texting. He let his friend use his phone to text on the trip. He had to pay me $87 when we received that month's bill! He is VERY discretionary with his texting now!
Course - I have unlimited texting on my phone :))

Our daughter was fine with the 200 text plan for the first couple of months, then it suddenly mushroomed. She now has unlimited texting, for which she has sacrificed her allowance ad infinitum. So far texting hasn't really been an issue in public, but I suspect it will be at some time. We have had to move her phone downstairs at night to avoid texting when she should be sleeping. I still don't get the "why" of the whole texting thing, and am trying to sort out what is appropriate in 13 year old circles vs. in mixed company. I'll be reading the answers to this post with great interest!

My 2 boys are not yet at the stage where they have phones but we do have a lot of contact with the 14 year old son of friends who does. And it just seems to be the done thing now amongst teens - they are always participating in a minimum of 2 conversations, sometimes more, whether it be by text, IM, e-mail or (gasp!) in person. It looks weird to us grownups because we assume that you can't concentrate on more than one conversation at a time. Teens, however, can and do.

Assuming she knows and follows the rules about not doing it in the obviously inappropriate situations you mention, I would be inclined to let her find her own level amongst her peers. Subject to your concerns about over-developed thumbs, obviously.

My teenagers (13 & 16) don't have cell phones. I know you said you didn't want to hear that but I felt the need to include it anyway!

If they DID have cell phones, I would definitely have guidelines for texting. My sil and her 14 year old do the text each other from the other room in their house thing, and at Christmas they spent the entire extended family gathering texting (each other? friends? I don't know). It is SO incredibly rude. In their case my sil is just as bad as my niece, so there isn't going to be any "teaching of social skills" going on there. But just like anything else, I feel that cell phone usage is something where the parent should teach the child what is and isn't socially acceptable. It's one thing to do it at a basketball game, but then how far does it go?

My niece says that kids text constantly during class at her high school - they just hold the phone under the desk. It's extraordinarily addictive and if they're not getting any guidance or rules from their parents on the subject, who can fault them for doing it every waking moment?

You know, I was thinking about something along these lines last night. Not this problem specifically, but our ability to relay every.single.thought. we have, and how unhealthy that probably is. Texting when angry, texting some new gossip and regretting it... Also the general inability to just be still and think for ourselves. I have some concerns for all of us, but especially teens and how quickly this could all turn negative for them. As my mother always said, "Never write anything down you don't want preserved forever."
Yikes.

Have you ever sat around a conference table at a corporation that has rolled out Blackberries?

I am doing good to refrain from texting while driving.

We have that problem in our youth group. We've gotten to the point, where we are in the middle of a game and someone is texting while waiting their turn.

I've banned cell phones from the group. We have a basket... they go in there at the start and can be picked up afterwards. If there is "an emergency", they can feel free to pick up any of the cell phones in there and call 911 if it should be required.

I believe its the multi-tasking issue. Most of these kids (mine included) have watched as their parents tackle 3/4 things at one time. So, why should they think it isn't a good idea?
-d

My problem is not with my son - he's only 9 and doesn't have a cell phone. But my husband has discovered texting. He used to hate it when people sent him text messages - now it seems like he's always clicking away at the keypad.

But I do have a confession to make: I texted at church yesterday. But in my defense, it was during the opening announcements, and it was TO my husband, making sure he was on the way, and letting him know where I was sitting!

Bad, I know...

My daughter has had texting overages to the tune of $900 over time. She's more careful now because I don't allow repayment. If she's over more than $20 and doesn't have cash to hand me when the bill comes then the phone gets cancelled.

I don't allow the kids to use cell phones, ipods, handheld games, etc...when we visit with friends and family, at church, or any other social setting that is not strictly kids. When they are with their own kind there seems to be some agreement on the level of "rude" that is allowed!

I dont have texting on my phone, and its probably a good thing!! However, for the last 3 years we have hosted our cousin (she's 14 now) from a nearby country town that rhymes with "Tiresburg."
She CONSTANTLY texted her friends while she was here in the big city. It drove me nuts to the point I wanted to throw her phone out the window.
If my kids ever did that.....

Hmmm...Headless Girl is 17 and has a newly unlimited textng plan that we don't pay for, and neither does she. I have been having to remind her that she cannot text at the table, etc. I HATE TEXTING. Esp. when she will keep it in her lap while she is talking to someone, anyone!, and look down to read in the middle of a conversation. Rude, rude, rude! So we are still trying to establish rules. I've even had to remind her not to do it when she is directly talking to her boyfriend-she stops mid sentence. Ugh! Any suggestions?

Have I mentioned that I HATE TEXTING!?

Yeah, this texting thing is out of control. My 16 year-old nephew did it constantly on XMAS day with his girlfriend, and I mean all the time.

Yeah, this texting thing is out of control. My 16 year-old nephew did it constantly on XMAS day with his girlfriend, and I mean all the time.

My son just got a cell phone for Christmas and is in some sort of texting nirvana right now but we've been pretty strict about it - he can't have his phone in his room at night, his grades have to stay the same, no texting when my husband is present (he HATES it), etc.

But I like Monica's method - no texting in "mixed" company (meaning adults and kids). That's the kind of clear-cut rule I've been looking for!

Oh how I look forward to the teenage years. Right now, dealing with potty training is enough for me, so my answer? No Idea.
I can say though, that we have a just-turned-15 yo (homeschooled) kid that works for us and it drives me absolutely insane the amount of time he spends texting while working (or instead of working). But it seems like the concept of turning your phone off for a while is some weird foreign language...
So just "not while working" would be a really good start!!

My 16 yo has unlimited texting. I haven't noticed a problem with her manners yet. I have noticed others who don't seem to know how to put it down and have a conversation. Thanks for the blog fodder. I think that perhaps you could encourage her to put her phone away during times when she is interacting with others. Don't read, don't write text until the game is over etc. It sometimes takes encouraging a few times for the message to sink in. You are brave to bring this up.

My 16 yo has unlimited texting. I haven't noticed a problem with her manners yet. I have noticed others who don't seem to know how to put it down and have a conversation. Thanks for the blog fodder. I think that perhaps you could encourage her to put her phone away during times when she is interacting with others. Don't read, don't write text until the game is over etc. It sometimes takes encouraging a few times for the message to sink in. You are brave to bring this up.

I am going to be the oddball (nothing new here I guess) and be quite contrary to convention thinking. To me, the problem is with many people that grew up pre-mobile and pre-texting days is that what is the social norm now has changed.

As you point out, her friends didn't notice. Why? Because if they got a text message, they would be doing the exact same thing.

It is funny and a bit odd, but texting is far more acceptable in Europe than it is here. We have this phobia about it. I can't help but be amused by people that "teach" by limiting texting, or by making them pay the "overage" on a plan that is obviously not sufficient. What are you teaching them? It is OK to take that e-mail on your Crackberry because it is "important" but their social interactions aren't? Yeah, not going to go over so well.

Like it or not, texting is here to stay. It is the social norms that are changing, and it just something that we have to get used to.

Oh, and Mr. YouTakeCareOfMyKid is calling out YOUR DAUGHTER for manners? Being a "putz" is putting it nicely. Perhaps he could learn some things like "thank you" or you know actually bringing his daughter to or from an event. That is far more of a social faux pas than a kid texting.

Texting. The Bane of the Teenager's Mom's Existance.

So been there, so doing that. I started making texting rules for the house because one night my teenage daughter had 5 friends over and all they did was text. They didn't even TALK to each other except to share text messages from other kids not in the house. That's when I had had enough.

The rule is, cell phones are OFF when you're in my house. No calls, no texting. If the friends parents need to reach their friends we have a (gaasp) land line. They can call me. It's also a way to check up on what kids tell you vs the truth!

NO texting in the car. No texting in restaurants. No texting in school. No texting unless it's urgent. NO FRIGGING TEXTING. When her friends didn't listen, I blocked their numbers. One by one they started disappearing from the phone book, and guess what? We learned that texting is RUDE when you're in social settings. It has a time and a place, but it's just plain antisocial when you're in a group of friends texting away and not paying attention to the real live people in the room with you.

Oh, and I charge 25 cents for everyone who disobeys my rule. I've collected my share of money doing this!

Guilty as charged...both kids text frequently regardless of what they are doing. I mean, they are not completely rude with other people, but if it is just us hanging around and watching TV, texting is frequent. I chalk it up to the age of multi-tasking. Like talking on the blue tooth while typing an email. Rude, yes, it can be, but also, some things call for being on line and typing while talking. Like right now for instance. We might consider this their version of spending hours on the phone and having someone complain to your parents that the line was busy for HOURS! Remember, before call waiting was invented?

Our daughter will be 13 soon. She's had a cell since just before she turned 11. We live out in the sticks and she was often at basketball practice after dark (and after the building cleared). There was more than one occasion that she ended up alone somewhere.... Honestly, it was more for us to let her know if we're running late and whatnot. Also so she could let us know if something ended early, or whatever.

She doesn't really text (much. yet.) and there are only 3 people that she does... her cousin, her best friend (and rarely at that) and me (her mom)!

I do imagine that it will explode at some point.... So far we don't have many rules other than "only if necessary." We'll amend that as needed. Right now, we don't have a text plan because it costs more for that than we use.... That and if we had "a plan" it would get used...and then some.

Good luck!

Oh yes the texting, my question is how can they push out so many text so fast! lol My 14 yr old son and 12 yr old daughter live to text. As long as its not during an inapropriate time I just ignore it. It is as you put how they comunicate now days.

We have that same issue--but have been consistent in our rules about when it is appropriate to text and when NOT. Just because texting is so popular and unlimited doesn't make it any less rude to do so when you should be paying attention to something else. It's like a side conversation.

Tony has a prepaid cell phone, and every text costs a few pennies. He's only eight, so he's not into the texting thing. Right now his phone can be set up one of two ways, locked dialing, meaning he can only call those numbers I've programed into the SIM card, or open dialing, which means he can call anyone. Open dialing also means he can text. I keep his phone on locked dialing except for times where Angelo and I might be in a meeting of some time and Tony needs to get ahold of us for some reason, (DeeDee is crying; or I have a bloody nose,, etc.)

I'm sure the texting craze will hit him in about 6 years or so. Perhaps by that time the social norms will have drifted away from texting.

It amazes me that there are so many parents out there (the majority, really) who are bothered by the texting thing on at least some level (some who downright hate it), but are ignoring the very simple solution: don't get your kid a cell phone. I know, they need it for safety. But do they REALLY? I have two teens who go to school, have after school activities, go places in the evening, etc., and they are never somewhere that they can't use a phone to call. In a pinch they can always ask to borrow a cell phone if there isn't a land line available. But even if you insist your child needs a phone for emergencies, you DON'T have to have texting. Heck, I don't have texting on MY phone!

Take a stand and be the parent. Tell them "sorry, no." The world will not end, believe me. My kids have many friends and active social lives and use the computer to e-mail and chat and the (gasp) home phone (remember that?) to talk to friends. And for people who have 10 or 11 year olds who don't have phones yet, take note. It is not "how they communicate nowadays" - it is something that most people have accepted but doesn't have to be that way. We shouldn't let 13 year olds set the tone for how society behaves.

We're not there yet, and I don't text myself, but this doesn't seem so different from being on a cell phone when others are around. Or being in someone's office talking to them while they continuously answer the phone. I don't do this to others, because I don't like how it makes me feel. Does it bother your daughter when other people do this to her? I might give her a taste of her own medicine and then use it as a teaching moment.

Our 14 year old son does not have texting, but does have a cell phone from which he is currently grounded for a month. He had been calling his "girlfriend" - I use the term loosely since he only sees her at school - and talking for several hours while he was supposed to be asleep at night. I teach junior English at our high school, and my students called me a "Nazi Mom" when they found out that our son was grounded, because, according to them, everyone talks or texts in the middle of the night. Reading these posts makes me think twice about adding texting to our plan, as my son has been begging me to do for the last six months or so. We were going to allow him to have it on his 15th birthday.

I really like Monica's stance. Some other parents seem to have similar policies- no texting in social situations. It seems reasonable, I'll need to use this in the future. We also live in a rural area, and my son may need a phone for emergencies.

I was looking for some guidance and found this Post, it is asking and addressing the very issues we are dealing with now (14 year old daughter). I appreciate the insights shared and will be working on the "boundaries" discussion. We probably made a huge mistake with unlimited texting and honestly the lack of responsibility in other areas, like chores (or the motivation to do them), homework assignments, etc. are a couple of the things that fuel our disdain for the constant texting, aside from the social disrespect. This is a different age and these kids are growing up in virtual worlds from a society perspective and many of us know what we perceive to be the right thing, but balancing the teen's growth and freedom that will put them soon in situations where we desire them to make good sound decisions is just that a balancing act. Our daughter is adopted, I only mentioned that as we have only had 2 1/2 years to help build the new foundation of responsibility and good decision making.

Keep the feedback coming if you have a solution that is working well with your teen child.

You horrible kids and your rock-n-roll music and dancing!! Your all doomed! Doomed I SAY! It's the music of the DEVIL!!

Seriously. A lot of these parents are being a putz. If you hate texting so much, block it from your kid's phone. If it only bothers you sometimes, set some ground rules. As for the parents who live in the town of "Perfect" form the Walgreens commercial. Goody for you. Nobody believes your life is that great, and you're only fooling yourself.

I am a mom of an 11 almost 12 year old girl and was enlightened to the lack of social graces and self control the kids are showing in public this past weekend
My d was recently loaned one of my husbands phones for special circumstances but I have to admit it was mostly to normalize her to her peers even if it stayed off in her backpack.she felt a little more like everyone else.He checks everynight to see if and how it has been used.
Saturday she was invited to a bowling b-day party with 7 or 8 kids. Within 20 minutes (before bowling started) all 7 were texting . Some were texting the child 3 people away. I was livid and asked why they just didn't talk to each other. The next day the group plus 15 more were invited to a great sledding party. Three girls stayed in almost the whole time and when the mom came in to check on them they were all texting, some were texting the ones outside. The mom took the phones for the rest of the day risking of course the parents would be angry with her for interferring with their childs freedom.
Before I found this site I contacted one of the etiquette schools in this area to ask if cell manners were covered in a manners class. She said it is a huge problem and will potentially change the way the next generation communicates and added the part I read above that safety and bullying is an issue.They can secretely communicate and say things that are hurtful about other people nearby. if they were texting others not at the party wouldn't that in itself be inconsiderate.They also are not considerate of others financial plan for phone use.
Thank you for many good ideas , didn't even think of texting at night. The call block sounds good too.
They can text and be normal with limits , if it is not causing someone else financial issues, if they are still able to carry on an eye to eye conversation with a peer or an adult and stay on track without averting to the phone. No excuse for it in most cases with another human present unless it is a very short answer and talk to you later I am busy now. Then turn off the phone.These girls even texted while the b-day boys were opening presents on both days! Thank goodness my daughter even thought it was rude.Restaurants, b-day parties , any party unless someone is lost just shows disrespect to those with you. I am putting together some of this blog for a girl scout/ class parent /PTA info sheet to spark some talk and maybe some limits .

I'm running into the same issue with my eldest boy (13), under the same circumstances. I have also thought about the issue that I didn't have a cell phone or much access to a phone at his age. But, I've also realized that unlike him, I was always hanging out with the neighborhood kids and classmates everyday, from the morning until the evening. So, there wasn't a need to be connected, because we already were connected. That's a big difference with kids nowadays. In a way we have created that disconnection for which they do through the texting. Add to the fact that this is the age when they look for more connections among their peers. They prefer texting b/c they can connect with more than one person at a time. But, understand all this, I still place limits on my son's texting and constantly emphasize the importance of knowing his priorities.

Hah! ask me how many phone numbers we have and i have to stop to count
2 office lines
1 home line
4 cell phone lines
so I can translate any phone bill.
Here is what i have learned. Make sure your kids are completely aware of the charges on the bill
they don't get it until they see it in black and white - OR RED whatever the case may be.

unlimited texting will save you a fortune
only have friends that use the same carrier /tee hee
use 1-800-FREE411 for directory assistance -- its free - your carrier charges anywhere from 1.49-1.79
no ringtones, no itunes, no games -- some carriers charge for the download then everytim you acess it.
confiscate all phones before the cruise and hand them a motorola walkie - talkie and a pre-paid card for the internet cafe

when there young - use the same model phones if you can -- then they can all help each other thru the menus.

Monica

ps -- i love texting my kids in the middle of the day to say something sweet or silly -- that is a huge perk.

OH and yes I AGREE with your RULE
I don't want to hear "tick tick tick" in my ear when I am driving, or watching a show. and YES phone cell ettiquette includes, not messaging in public and engaging in conversation with another party when you are with a friend or group of friends or family. Time to shut - down and pay attention to what is going on.

Monica

In less than one year of having a phone, my 14-year-old daughter just logged 20,000 texts in one month! That's 680 texts/day or 1 text/minute for 10 hours straight! Thank you ATT for unlimited texting or a rock might have accidentally fallen on her phone when she wasn't looking.

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