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Charlie's Soap


Thursday, January 31
Outgoing mail

Dear Weather:

It has come to my attention that we need to review the directions.

If selections are: wind, rain, sleet, snow, thunder, lightning.

Then: choose one from column A and one from column B and proceed.


Dear online news outlets:

I hate video. Stop it.

At least put a transcript of whatever it is on there.


Dear certain athletic coach:

This is getting old and we are running out of patience.

We are nice people, but, I don't know for how much longer.


Dear People of the Internet:

Check out Super Bowl Party recipes at Career and Kids.

Be sure to find out what special scent makes you look younger over at GenBetween.

Please? Pretty please visit me over there?

I'll buy you a pony, but, you'll have to share it.


Dear Self:

Go to bed.


Dear Laundry:

Fold yerself, and, get in mah drawers.

Well, that sounded suggestive, now, didn't it?


Dear Other Drivers:

It's rain. It's not nuclear waste or hot glue.

Please keep driving.

It's really OK to use the gas pedal.


Dear Camera:

I will not be mocked.

I will not be mocked just as soon as I have time to deal with you.

11:19 PM | Comments (21) |

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Dear Flu Bug,

You have officially outstayed your welcome. We weren't terribly thrilled to have you to begin with, but now it's just getting ridiculous.

Go Away,

The S. Family

P.S. Leaving now to collect my pony.

Dear Children:

You have your own rooms for all your stuff, why do you continue to leave it in my rooms? Do you want me to have it? Is it a gift? Can I do with it what I want?



Ponies and Recipes, I'm off.

I have the same pet peeve re: videos from online news. Drives me nuts that I have to sit through that crap when I'd really rather just read about it....

Posted by: lilly | February 1, 2008 7:19 AM

Catching up on your correspondence, eh?

I SO AGREE ABOUT THE VIDEOS! I can not tell you how many times I click on a story only to see a video... I immediately "x" out the page. Yech.

Not one "to resident" among them.

i agree about the videos. And hey if the laundry does fold itself, it can be as suggestive as it wants to be ;)

I'm so jealous about the's the exact same one I want and I have already told my husband that if he doesn't see to it that I get one for my birthday in 2 months, I'm buying one for myself!

I have myself a shiny new DSLR that is mocking me as well. I feel your pain.

Posted by: Chelle | February 1, 2008 11:45 AM

Thanks for the Friday laugh on such a nasty day.

Posted by: Ed | February 1, 2008 11:48 AM

Oh my! Thanks for the much-needed laugh. I love the nuclear waste/hot glue one. I shall remember this.

When's my turn with the pony?

Dear treadmill,

You may find the throw-the-chick-off-the-back-gag funny, but I do not.

Dear Friday,

Is it the weekend yet?


I've been using grapefruit juice as a de-icer, and my street doesn't look any younger. What have you got on blueberries?

Do we live in the same city? Where else do peeps act like the all hell will break loose should they drive appropriately??

And did the laundry beckoning work, I might try this tomorrow morning.

I agree re: the videos - I can quickly skim an item of text, but skimming a video is less user-friendly.

Dear Computer:
Would you be so kind as to type out the reports I need by Monday?
Thanks a heap.

Dear Skinny girls,
You cannot go to a fast food restaurant or a Starbucks and order anything off the menu for under 100 calories. Get over it! Yes that has carbs and yes there is fat in that taco. You are already skinny why the hell do you care? EAT A FREAKING STEAK AND MOVE ON! You really make women like me who need to diet want to go out and round all you beanpoles up and hook you up to an IV full of chili! Now please for the love of God don't fret about your weight until you look like me and have something to fret about!

Loving regards,
Woman who goes to the gym to work out not socialize! =D

LOL! Love your letters! What a great way to vent some frustration--without hurting anyone! :-)

This could be an entire website in itself!

My contribution:

Dear family,

A magic genie doesn't live here. Clean up your own mess.


wow, thanks for sending all those messages to their respective recipients for me. what a load off my mind!