My mother's friend died today.
It's not like it was unexpected, but I never did get to see her.
I spoke with her a couple of times, but the whole situation is/was a big fluffy social mess that I would love to explain, but I'm not even sure what it was.
Suffice to say, there were no visitors allowed, and we'll leave it at that.
At any rate, she's gone, and I'd like to say she died peacefully, but I'm not really sure.
I hope she's reunited with my mother somewhere. She was pretty afraid of being sick, but saw how well my mother's death went and was comforted by that.
In addition to losing a friend, I also feel like I've lost a valuable connection to my mother and that kinda sucks as she was one of the few people who could/would talk to me about my mother.
Her family has likely got quite a few things ahead of them, both physically and emotionally.
There were strained relationships, and if you remember nothing from this post, just know that it's really not worth it to sustain drama/be an ass to your loved ones because you just never know what will happen.
Wait, I lied.
If you remember nothing from this post, just remember this: Please don't smoke.
I'm not judging, I know I have no idea how hard it is to quit, but this just comes from someone who has not only seen too many people die of lung cancer, but does lung cancer for a living.
Yes, it could happen to you no matter how many clear x-rays you've had or no matter how few cigarettes you think you smoke.
Please trust me, it's not how you want to go, and it's not how you want your family to remember you.
It's not how I want you to go, either.
ADDED: I have since found out that one of the last words my friend said before she died yesterday was my (deceased) mother's name.
Wouldn't you like to know what that was about? I would.
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I'm so sorry about your loss. The drama doesn't help, I'm sure.
My grandfather died of lung cancer and didn't smoke, so I really avoid smoking like the plague. I smoked in college, but fortunately was able to quit easily.
I am so sorry for your loss and for the loss of someone so connected with your own mother.
My grandmother smoked for years and finally quit but ended up dying from lung disease.
I could not agree more. My dad died of lung cancer SIX WEEKS after being HEALTHY and diagnosed when he had shoulder pain. It is a very ugly and painful way to die. No one should have to die like that and to have their family see them like that. He quit smoking in 1991 and died in 2001. The oncologist says being a long-time smoker does the damage even if you quit.
So sorry for your loss.
I am so sorry that you didn't get a chance to see her. My thoughts and prayers are with you and her family.
I'm sorry Busy Mom. I hope you are taking care of yourself. Sending love your way.
Elizabeth, I am sorry that your mom's friend passed. And I bet that she was telling your mom that she is on her way and it's time for them to have some fun in Heaven. At least she is at peace now.
Elizabeth, that 'Added' part really got to me. Who knows what that was truly all about, but at the very least it is obvious that your mom was on her heart right to the end. I'm so sorry you lost your friend.
My condolences. Sorry to hear the news.
I lost my stepdad to lung cancer. It's definitely different once you've actually known someone who suffered from it. Hope she is at peace now.
I'm so sorry about the loss you've experienced. It sucks to lose someone you cae about - especially from what could be a preventable disease. We humans can be SO foolish.
Take my 23 year old son for instance: My son started smoking/chewing as an ADULT in the Army because "It helps him cope". Then he says he'd love to be here to ride bikes with us in the American Lung Association Trek across the State. Makes me want to scream. loudly. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCKKKKK!
I have to comment again since you added that last bit. There is a wonderful book called "Final Gifts," written by two hospice nurses (Callanan and Kelley). It is a must read for anyone losing a loved one. They give accounts of their patients visiting the other side prior to their actual death, and of seeing people previously deceased coming for them. It also just helps to understand the process and what you can do to make your loved one's death easier for them. And for you.
I am sorry for your loss. You are my angel today. I have been a non-smoker for nine years. Lots of stress in my life right now and someone left a pack of cigarettes at my house. I was tempted. I haven't thrown them away yet. So thank you.
I am sorry for your loss. You are my angel today. I have been a non-smoker for nine years. Lots of stress in my life right now and someone left a pack of cigarettes at my house. I was tempted. I haven't thrown them away yet. So thank you.
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I know how you feel in a way about losing the last person connected to your mom. For me it was my grandmother (who was more like my mom). When her best friend and next door neighbor died, I felt lost. I guess she had been keeping grandma alive through the memories and stories she would share. But I know they are all in a great place. It just makes you think how short life really is and to cherish every waking moment we have!
I just wandered on to your blog. The just added part at the bottom struck me also. I've read a lot on death and dying (my father died when I was younger). I hope that your Mother was there to greet her friend and to welcome her to heaven. That is what I imagine was happening.. that she said her name because she saw your mother. Thank you for your post. It reminded me that death is just one stage of life.
I agree with New Orleans Friend. My dad said/saw some things before he died and I've done a little research about that (just enough to be dangerous...just like a nurse to do that!). Anyways, who knows what they see/experience at those times that we are unaware of?
And Im totally with you on the smoking thing. Watching both parents die a horrible death because of that nasty habit will do that to you. I just hope no one tells me Diet Coke kills.
I smoked for most of my life and quitting had been extremely difficult. I experimented with the different quit smoking hints however not one thing did the trick. Then I stumbled on the e cigs. The e cig uses a nicotine fluid which is created from just nicotine. Absolutely no cancerous substances in the least. They have already actually made all the difference.
I smoked for quite a while. I know it damages my health so I wish to give up smoking but this has been very hard. None of the stop smoking products did the trick. Then I came across the electric cigarettes. It's literally made all the difference. No more inhaling and exhaling toxic chemicals feels fabulous!