This month really needs to be over.
I want to relish summer and the warm nights and sunny days, but for lots of reasons, this month is mostly just a prelude to school starting in about 2 weeks.
Things are a bit nuts, but you can't really admit to it because it's the lazy, hazy crazy days of summer.
Part of it is having a high school athlete that doesn't drive, yet. There's a whole lotta practice going on, and sometimes more than once a day.
If you have young kids, you can vow that you'll never be like us, and summer will always be sacred, relaxing etc.
But, fact is, you will be me someday, there's just the potential for more going on in their lives when they get older. It's mostly a good kind of crazy, though.
Still, this month has been weird, and it's time to move on.
Today is the 4th anniversary of my mother's death.
I never quite know what to say or do on this day.
We're not really grave visitors, though I suppose my dad could have gone today, and I didn't know it.
Most of you have learned over the years that he is a man of few words, so I can't really find out how he's "feeling".
So, I usually call about other stuff, and test him out.
Today seemed good enough, so I left the topic alone.
I say this every year, but it's hard to believe it's been 4 years.
I remember many parts of that day very distinctly, and other parts not so much.
If you've never had someone close to you die, the whole thing (at least for me) is a bizarre combination of feeling like they've gone forever with a side of feeling like they didn't really go anywhere.
Yeah, I know. I thought it was dumb when people said that, too, but whadya know? It is kind of like that, after all.
Recent Entries on Busymom.net:
- Dorm room planning, or not quite a college mom blog
- Summer's here
- Baseball, hotdogs, apple pie and Renfest
- Sing. Fly. Mate. Die.
- What do cicadas sound like?
Prayers for your dad and you.
I am actually with you on the back to school... my kids (And myself) just function better on that steady routine.
((hugs))
Thinking of you! Since my MIL just died, I'm feeling those feelings too; she's gone away and yet not really. Bizarre. Summers were always very busy around here too with gymnastics and dance, but are quieter now. I now love July--it's my favorite month for relaxation.
I can totally relate to every thought you shared in this post.
Volleyball. Summer. Nuts. Driving everywhere. Death of a parent. (I'm approaching 4 years.)
Yes. Life. It rocks. And rolls.
That feeling of her having not gone anywhere is you keeping her memory alive in your heart and the hearts of your children. It's a beautiful thing, really. Wish I could say I'd see you at BlogHer to give you a hug, but that will have to wait for another year.
I never know what to say, that wouldn't sound dumb, so, I hope that you'll accept a big-armed {{{hug}}} and know that you've got a friend, here, way over in Jersey, too.
Thinking of you...
(I'm not afraid to admit that this whole summer has been CRAZY MAKING! Been so busy I'm exhausted.)
{{{hugs}}} Exactly what you said.
Honestly, I am so happy Diva can drive herself to practices. I have my hands full with just Perfectionist Child's schedule. I think I'd need to be committed if I had to chauffeur both around. Is it awful of me to wish PC had her license, too? I'm pretty sure that once upon a time I used to have a life of my own...
"...a bizarre combination of feeling like they've gone forever with a side of feeling like they didn't really go anywhere." I've never heard it expressed better.
On an unrelated note, YES- it's time for July to get the old heave-ho. It's been incredibly busy and rushed, and entirely deficient in the lazy/hazy aspects.
Hugs to you and your dad. I hope each year gets easier for you and that eventually the good memories begin to outweigh the grief.
And I'm with you in that July needs to end already. Not a good month all around.
My mom passed away 18 years ago July 2nd. It still feels strange. Being with your family and friends makes things much better. Find comfort in your family and remember the good times you had with your mom. Pass her wisdom along.
I feel ya on the death thing. You've always expressed yourself really well about your mom.
As far as summer goes, I hate the school year, so I never want summer to end. We're going back to junior high (well, not ME technically) and I am not looking forward to that. I'm scared!
Sending you good thoughts...I have been reading your blog long enough to remember when your mom was ill and passed away. I hope your dad is doing OK.
Yeah I am kind of ready for the "normalcy" school brings. Normalcy being one notch down from really crazy busy/juggling childcare.
I'm sorry to hear about your loss..Life has to move on. Be happy with your daddy. Great post!