If you have teenagers, the words "spring break" have fostered many a conversation.
Along with those words often come the words, "with my friends".
Meaning: only kids and no adults on a road trip for hours to the beach with a million other teens.
What I'm getting ready to say may be controversial, but here goes:
My high school kids are not permitted go on spring break without an adult.
Yes, even my high school senior.
DISCLAIMER: This is my philosophy. I realize my views are in the minority.
However, my philosophy doesn't mean I'm judging yours if yours differs.
Additionally? I am well aware that, "they are growing up" and that I, "can't watch them forever", just so ya know.
While I'm not going to give you specifics about conversations with my kids since people at school read here (Hi, people at school!), but also because the conversations are usually just long variations of, "Whyyyyy nott?", and it would bore you to tears.
Why my high school kids are not permitted go on spring break without an adult:
1. Long-distance traveling can present unfamiliar scenarios.
A fender bender, a blown tire, an empty gas tank, lost keys, a stolen wallet or a finger mangled in a door at a gas station (happened on a road trip I was on, once) are all things they have to learn to handle, at some point.
However? I'd rather have a responsible person there to demonstrate what to do than have them trying to decide if they should hitch-hike for help or not.
2. Many beach places require you to be 25 (spring break rules) to rent AND check into them.
Some situations would be illegal for them to be there alone.
What if I'm charged with something for allowing it?
What would happen if they got kicked out?
3. My kid isn't 18.
However, even if she was, she is still in high school, we decide what happens.
Until you can handle it without calling me if you get arrested in the middle of the night, you aren't "on your own" in my house.
4. Other people can put them in a bad situation.
I'm not particularly worried they'll do something stupid, but what if someone in their extended (meaning other friends they met up with there) group does?
It only takes one moment for someone to run off into the sunset in vodka-laced tears (Hint: it's in the Sonic cups they carry around the beach) after teh dramaz.
What if they didn't come back?
5. Drinking to excess is very, very real.
Again, I'm not particularly worried about my kids and their friends doing so (but, group mentality can be a strange thing, sometimes), but I am concerned about the ability to recognize an alcohol poisoning emergency around them and what to do about it.
6. But, they aren't in college, yet.
Yes, I do know Busy Girl will be in college soon (yikes), but there is a big difference between a second semester college freshman and a high school senior.
Yes, there is.
Now, does "adult" mean someone escorting them to the beach and fastening water wings for them?
Heck, no.
Water wings keep you from learning to swim (another post for another time).
They can take their own car, do their own things for the most part, but I require them to have an adult with them as a back up as they learn to handle things, not to stay on top of them.
It's not a matter of trusting them, I trust them and their abilities, but traveling and spring break can present situations that require adult decision-making, and someone needs to be there.
I realize you can't live as if every day was the "worst scenario", and the trip will more than likely be uneventful, but I consider this trip to be intermediate training for the next few years to come.
And, those?
I don't wanna know.
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Hear, hear. My oldest is just 12 right now, but this lines up perfectly with my thoughts on the matter. I went on my first sans-adult spring break trip when I was 19, college sophomore, with 3 other really responsible girls. We met up with those "other people" you mention and it was certainly eye-opening. But, we had a good time and stayed out of trouble ourselves. At that point, though, we had nearly 2 years of college under our belts. I'm astonished there are a lot of high school spring breakers....goodness. Am so glad you are preparing me for these things. :)
My daughter is only eight, so I'm not having to make these decisions yet (can we just pretend she will stay eight forever? thanks). What you said here pretty much covers all my thoughts on this.
I grew up in a beach town, and there are enough memories of visiting the beach during spring break season, and seeing what everyone around me was doing, to help keep me cautious.
I don't recall that the problem was them wanting to go without parents. The complaint I got every year was that *everyone* else came back with a tan and we were "vacationing" at my parents' in Upstate NY.
Yes. All that.
Fortunately (or I guess unfortunately depending on your point of view), this decision will be taken out of our hands for at least one of our kids.
The cost of educating them has gotten us close enough to poverty that there's no way such a trip would be possible (unless the child works). My oldest (a HS Freshman) has pretty much staked out a course where he won't be working - he has the hardest workload possible at his school and seems to be in every extracurricular activity that 24 hours in a day will allow.
Plus, he just doesn't like "work", outside things at school.
We've already had the conversation where it was made clear that he needs to find the poorest people in the school and hang out with them, because HE'S one of them.
So, a spring break trip isn't even a possibility.
Now, my youngest is in a different situation. She will be attending a public high school where they don't exactly Summer in Tuscany. :) She'll probably be working - it's just her personality. At 14 she's already applied where she's allowed. She's already learning how to drive (BEFORE her older, unmotivated brother), and she's maintained the family grocery budget and done all the shopping since she was 13.
She'll be working, and I'd imagine if there are enough of her friends going, she'll want to go.
So, we'll have a decision to make.
Your rules make a lot of sense, but, as they always say, every child is different. I have no idea how we'll handle it.
With her, we've pretty much had to wing it anyway, so I guess we'll make that decision in spring of 2016. :)
I call that good parenting! They will each have the opportunity to enjoy plenty "parent free" spring break trips. Good for you for sticking to your guns.
I agree with you. Seriously in high school and wants to vacation without adults. Not on my watch!!!
Right on, Mom.
PS-I secretly love it when we can piss off our kids like this. Granted, it's 'for their own good', but still.
Two words: Natalee Holloway
Thanks for the great post and blog...too bad Soxy (my only kid and she's 4-legged and furry) will never ask to go on Spring Break or I'd have great responses!!
Apparently I have my head in the sand more than I realize. High School kids on Spring Break alone? Uh... I don't think so.
You cannot (legally) rent a hotel room, apartment or anything else unless you are at least 18 years of age. (And if there *IS* an 18 year old hanging out on Spring Break with a bunch of High School kids... well that is a whole other red flag right there).
I give you credit for not judging... because I am not so kind when it comes to matters like these. Yes, it is important to allow kids as they grow up to spread their wings and give them more independence. But it can be done in a logical and reasonable manner. No, they don't need somebody to walk them to the arcade or beach, but there better be somebody at least available "back at the room" in case a problem does occur.
Allowing your underage child to galavant off for a week with no adult supervision at all is simply irresponsible (even if your child is trustworthy... as you so well point out, the "hive mentality" can create difficult situations), and any parent that allows it should have their head examined.
You only have a few more years until they are trotting off into the sunset, going to college, getting married, etc. where there is nothing you can do about it. For now, make sure they are safe enough to make it to that point.
And that is my long winded way of saying, "I agree"
I was never allowed to go without an adult. I managed to get in trouble anyway, so probably for the best. It wasn't a big deal-- the moms made sure we were fed and in by curfew. Trust me, we went to the houses without parents to party and we were happy to go back to our own clean house to sleep.
Same here. It's not them that I don't trust, but the people that they will meet and the things that could happen along the way.
Ok, lost my reply, but suffice to say that, even though I was one of those kids (8 HS girls on their own in Fla., in the --wow--late '70's) no way, no how would I allow my kids to do that. Ya gotta let go in dribbles and drabs (and then in a torrent come college time) but HS is still your domain. Stay strong BusyMom!
I understand what you feel and it is normal for parents to worry. There are different kind of teenagers that possible put them into danger.
Saw your blog link on Twitter. My two kids are still babies (1 and 3) but I wonder what the future will bring as they grow into teens. I just wanted to say I completely agree with your position. I'm probably around 10 years older than your oldest and I still remember a good deal from my high school years and I am GLAD my parents were "mean" sometimes. I wouldn't have said it then but I know now. Good for you for making your kids be the "only people in the world" with parents who love them enough to make them "miserable". :)
Thank you. I was beginning to think I was the only sane person around anymore. My oldest is 17 and keeps asking to be able to go and do things like this and I keep saying NO. (Not to mention that she expects me to foot the bill for her trip as well)
Amen, sister! Then again, I wouldn't even let a high school student stay home alone overnight. Again, you can trust your kid, but what about all the others who find out there's an unsupervised home available?
Amen!
Obv, I don't have kids but I really couldn't agree more with you. Surprisingly enough, I find that my views on parenting are pretty lax right now (cause I don't have any kids hahahhaha) but this is something I am pretty set on. No vacations or traveling alone. It just seems like there is too many things that could go wrong.
Gotta love the spam comments right above me, especially the one from "Breast Actives". What, pray tell, are Breast Actives? Maybe I don't want to know.
Agree with you 110 million %.
My kiddo is a ways off before becoming a teenager but I agree with you—I wouldn't let him go unless I absolutely trust the adult (which has to be present). It just seems like they're too young, senior or not.
OK I'll be a fuddy duddy, too, but seriously NO adults with teens on spring breaK? Uh...hell to the no as Whitney would say! I went on a high school senior trip to Florida with two girlfriends and my dad and stepmom were in the same "city" but left us alone. Still that was AFTER high school. Went to Daytona during Biker Week (God help me) during college and that was eye opening enough for me to realize that I'll never let my girls go on a trip by themselves near the ocean and beer until I can put it off no more!
Mom: That's exactly as boring as me! And at least you would've had the dogs for comic relief in some panels. I miss them.